


Life as a Cameraman

by unicorndads



Series: Life As [1]
Category: Gandrew - Fandom
Genre: Acceptance, Confessions, Denial of Feelings, Drunk kiss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Protectiveness, Questioning, Slow Burn, Understanding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:36:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22207993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unicorndads/pseuds/unicorndads
Summary: Andrew Siwicki navigates a new job and feelings for his best friend.
Relationships: Andrew Siwicki/Garrett Watts
Series: Life As [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1661893
Comments: 61
Kudos: 92





	1. An Opportunity Arises

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if this has been done before, but I thought it might be fun to write about Gandrew centering on the videos they've been in/worked on, starting with when Andrew first begins working with Shane. I do plan on sitting down at some point and mapping out the timeline in regard to everyone's videos and other Gandrew moments (any helpful information would be appreciated!). 
> 
> All videos alluded to will be linked at the end.
> 
> No disrespect to Garrett or Andrew. I love both of them. They are my dads even if they aren't an irl couple.

When Andrew first met Shane, he was a little nervous. He was always nervous, but never mind that. He knew who Shane was because he had seen his videos before, the ones that had Garrett in them. He never expected Garrett to introduce the two of them, even though he knew Garrett considered both of them good friends, and certainly not in this context.

They met outside of a small cafe, Shane sitting across from Andrew and Garrett. The conversation started out professionally enough; Andrew was a little surprised to see Shane acting more subdued than he usually came across to be in his videos. Andrew was usually not that great when taking about himself to potential employers, but it felt easier than usual. It helped that Garrett was there, giving encouraging little nods.

Then Shane asked a question Andrew didn't really expect. "Tell me Andrew, are you gay?"

"Shane!" Garrett objected, his voice rising an octave.

Andrew felt his stomach drop. He had never been asked about his sexuality so bluntly before.

"I'm just asking!"

"I told you he's not!"

Andrew's gaze shot to Garrett. Was he telling other people that he was straight? Of course he thought Andrew was straight. Andrew was only vocal about female celebrity crushes. Plus, Garrett knew he and Gabbie had been dating. But how did this even come up with Shane?

"Sorry, Andrew, this definitely won't affect if I hire you or not. I was just curious." Shane was looking at Andrew now and Andrew nodded, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. Shane turned back to Garrett. "Besides, I only asked because if he's going to be working for a bisexual man with a gay boyfriend, I need to make sure he's not, well..."

"Shane, he's friends with a ton of gay people, myself included. He's not homophobic. Or biphobic." Garrett glanced over at Andrew apologetically.

"That's true," Shane conceded. "You are the gayest person in the world and he's not scared of you, so that's saying a lot. Even I'm terrified of you." 

"Shut up." Garrett rolled his eyes, though he was grinning.

Shane and Garrett's laughter blended together, forcing a smile on Andrew lips. He enjoyed seeing the friendship between the two in person. He suddenly felt something that felt like a pang of envy interrupt this warm feeling. Here were two men who knew what they were, who they were. They didn't need other people to decide that for them.

Andrew saw that Shane was now staring at him and he realized he had been quiet for far too long. "Y-yeah," he stammered. "No problem there."

"Good." Shane smiled warmly, making Andrew feel comfortable again. "Andrew, you seem like a talented guy. And Garrett has talked you up quite a bit."

Andrew glanced at Garrett, who was smiling, though Andrew could read a hint of embarrassment that he didn't quite understand.

"I'd like to try you out," Shane continued, bringing Andrew's attention back to him. "I'll have you edit a video to see if your vision matches mine. I'll pay you for it either way, of course. I'll send you the raw footage tonight. Send it back when you're done. If I like what I see, we can discuss a more permanent job."

"Yeah, that sounds great." Andrew felt his spirits lift. Just the other day he was rambling to Garrett about his increasing anxiety regarding his future and today he was working for one of the biggest YouTubers, even if it was just a one time job. "Thank you so much for the opportunity."

Shane grinned. "Don't thank me yet. You should maybe thank Garrett though."

Andrew turned to Garrett, who was now beaming, and gave him a wide smile. Under the table, he bumped his knee against Garrett's gratefully, away from Shane's view.

The next day, after spending all of the previous night editing, Andrew sent the completed file to Shane and waited. He was lounging on his bed with Garrett - a common occurrence - who had looked over the video and provided nothing but support. Now they were simply enjoying each other's company, an almost empty bag of chips between them, silently scrolling through their phones. It was a tight fit, but they were able to lay next to one another comfortably. 

Andrew didn't question it when Garrett suddenly sat up. After a few seconds, he could sense Garrett staring at him and looked up. He was met by Garrett's signature open-mouthed smile. 

Andrew automatically smiled in return. "What's up?" he asked.

"He liked it! A lot!" Garrett exclaimed.

"What-?" Andrew's phone buzzed and he checked it. It was a message from Shane. He quickly sat up too and opened it. As his eyes scanned the small text, he realized he was being met with glowing praise and an offer to discuss a full time position. "Wow, that's crazy," he muttered, more to himself than Garrett.

"It's amazing! You definitely deserve it." Garrett reached an arm out and, after a brief moment of hesitation, settled it on the headboard behind Andrew.

Andrew leaned over closer to Garrett's side, wrapping an arm around him in a hug. "Thank you so much, Garrett. I couldn't have done this without you."

Garrett moved his arm again to hug Andrew back. "You give me too much credit," he said softly.

Andrew pulled away and reread Shane's message. "He's asking if I'm comfortable filming," he realized.

"Yeah, he's been wanting to do bigger things, without the constraint of a stationary camera. Or a vlog cam."

Andrew nodded in understanding. "Yeah, maybe I could film his adventures with you and Drew."

Garrett's eyes brightened. "That would be so much fun! All the boys together!"

Andrew felt his body warm at the thought. This was like a dream come true and he honestly couldn't wait to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first video Andrew edited for Shane: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvSCtImVtIk


	2. Holding Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully Andrew isn't/wasn't as much of an anxious wreck as I make him out to be here, but it felt right. I hope he's happy with himself.

Working for Shane was great. There was no other, more eloquent way that Andrew could put it. He started out only editing some of the videos, with Shane editing the rest himself. Andrew easily adapted to Shane's style, while still adding a flare of his own, and it was almost impossible to tell who edited what at times.

While Andrew did meet Ryland and Drew early on, he wasn't invited to hang out with the group regularly. It didn't bother him much, though. He had a job to do, and besides, spooky things admittedly did freak him out. Just being able to see their adventures while editing was enjoyable enough.

About three months into the job, Shane finally asked Andrew to film for a larger video, where he would be pretending to adopt a child. Andrew was nervous about finally showcase his filming skills, but he was excited to be involved.

That day, Garrett drove the two of them over to Shane's place. During the drive, Garrett took a hold of Andrew's hat and placed it on his own head. His giggly grin was so wide, Andrew let him keep it.

After arriving and greeting one another, Andrew went into the kitchen to get a drink while Shane did an introduction bit with Garrett. When they finished, they moved into the kitchen with Andrew.

"Okay, we have a little bit of time before the kid comes," Shane explained. "Let's start filming again when they're about five minutes away, with Andrew behind the camera."

"Yeah, sounds good," Andrew agreed, taking a hold of the camera.

"I cannot believe you're actually doing this, Shane," Garrett sighed. He turned to Andrew. "If he ends up killing the kid, make sure to get it on camera." Andrew giggled.

"No!" Shane exclaimed. "Are you crazy? If that happens, you destroy the evidence, you hear me?" Shane pointed an accusing finger at Andrew. Andrew burst out laughing and Shane and Garrett joined in.

Composing himself, Shane sighed and turned back to Andrew. "Though before we begin, there is something we should talk about."

"Oh, yeah? What is it?" Andrew cleared his throat, bracing himself for the worst.

"Your laugh."

"Oh." Andrew felt his stomach twist. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Garrett had his lips pressed tightly together. "I know my laugh can be annoying," he quickly admitted before Shane could say anything worse.

"What? No," Shane objected.

"Andrew!" Garrett whined. "Your laugh is not annoying. I love hearing you laugh."

Andrew felt gratitude toward his friend. This insecurity of his had come up only a few times prior with Garrett, and he was always quick to discredit it.

"No, your laugh is great," Shane stated, clapping his hands together. "But it might be a little distracting while you film."

"It's unprofessional. I get it." Andrew felt the tension in his body disappear and he reasoned out Shane's request.

"Yeah. I know we're hilarious," Shane continued exaggeratedly, "so it will be almost impossible to hold back-"

Andrew giggled.

"But just do your best. We can edit some things out too, if needed."

Andrew nodded and began to mentally prepare himself. He was used to repressing his giggles. It didn't hold a negative feeling this time, and he knew it wouldn't moving forward. 

He had always had anxiety when it came to his laugh, stemming from when he was just a kid. Before, whenever he met someone new, he would press a hand to his mouth, only letting what was able to force it's way out of his mouth escape. Even some of the friends he had today didn't hear his full laughter until months after they began hanging out.

It was different with Garrett, though. He was able to make Andrew burst out with laughter the first day they met. After his first joke, Andrew had pressed his lips tightly together and only a small giggle came out. Garrett had looked at him with his head titled, a curious look on his face. "Is that how you laugh?"

Andrew was suddenly brought back to high school. "Oh, no, I-" Andrew averted his gaze and felt himself blushing. "My laugh's kinda annoying," he admitted quietly.

"What?" Andrew peeked up at Garrett's face and saw pure befuddlement. "Where'd you get that idea? I'll get you laughing, just you wait."

Andrew saw no malice in Garrett's grin. He seemed genuine in his excitement to get Andrew to open up. Andrew felt himself relax; he wasn't sure why, but this man he had just met was a surprisingly comforting presence.

Throughout the rest of the night, Garrett cracked jokes wherever he could fit them in. Andrew still did his best to repress his laughter, more out of habit than anything else, but he soon realized just how funny Garrett could be, even when he wasn't trying, and how uncomfortable it was clenching his stomach so much and so hard.

Andrew knew that his laughter was becoming more and more explosive as the night went on. And every time, Garrett would join in, elation on his face.

For the first time in a while, Andrew was able to fully let go in front of a virtual stranger, his giggles expressing themselves in their full glory. When he could finally catch his breath again, he looked over to Garrett to see him staring, a large smile plastered on his face.

"Cute!"

Andrew would have been embarrassed if he hadn't felt so relieved. He wasn't usually one to get gut feelings, but in that moment Andrew knew that Garrett would be someone he would always want to be close friends with.

"There's no time to think about that now!"

Andrew blinked, brought back to the situation at hand. "What?"

"I said there's no time," Shane exclaimed, gesturing at the camera. "He's almost here. Turn on the camera."

"Oh!" Andrew fumbled with the camera for just a second before turning it on to film for Shane for the first time. From that day forward, Andrew never fumbled with the camera again. Except for a handful of other times, but that's not important.

Andrew learned that he enjoyed filming for Shane as much as he enjoyed editing for him, if not more. He loved getting to know all of Garrett's friends better. Shane was a compassionate and reasonable guy and boss. Ryland was sassy yet sweet. And Drew was a comedic genius.

Being around such funny men made it hard to keep his giggles under control, but Andrew managed for the most part. He realized that when it came to being unable to hold in his laughter, he had a weakness for children and Garrett, which meant that he struggled during almost everything Shane had him film. He knew there were several times where giggles unfortunately slipped out and were caught by the camera, but while editing with Shane in his and Garrett's new place, Shane reassured him that it wasn't a big deal. 

It was one of those nights when a different problem was brought up.

"Uh-oh." Shane broke the silence that had settled between the two of them and Garrett, who was there to keep them company. "We've been a little sloppy, Andrew. Look." Shane turned his laptop around and Andrew and Garrett leaned over to look. On the screen was a screenshot of one of Shane's videos, showing a portion of Andrew's face.

"Oh shit," Andrew muttered.

"And look, there's a ton of other tweets asking about you." Shane began scrolling down slowly, giving everyone time to read over the questions and demands to see the cameraman. 

"Oh, look." Garrett pointed at the screen. "Is your cameraman gay af?" Garrett read out loud, laughing.

"That would make sense, but no," Shane responded, obviously amused as well.

Andrew swallowed down the uncomfortable lump forming in his throat. "I'm sorry, I should have caught all that when editing," he admitted, desperate to bring the conversation back to what was actually important.

"It's fine. It's not all on you," Shane promised. "And even if there weren't things to screenshot, people would still be speculating."

Andrew looked down, his sense of guilt growing. "If we're done for the night, I think I'll head home." 

"Oh. Okay..." When Andrew looked back up, he saw Shane and Garrett having a silent conversation, jerking their heads at each other.

Andrew cleared his throat and stood up. He hated knowing they were trying to talk about him without him knowing. 

Garrett stood up as well. "I'll drive you home."

Andrew shook his head. "Nah, you can stay. I'll be fine. I'll text you-"

"I was leaving anyway," Garrett blurted out. He moved to quickly gather his stuff.

"Bye, boys. I'll text you later, Andrew." Shane stared up at Andrew pointedly and he nodded.

Andrew silently left with Garrett in tow. He didn't argue when Garrett opened the passenger door of his car for him. And he didn't say anything for the first few minutes of the ride, mostly because his breath seemed to have left his body.

"It's okay, Andrew."

Andrew looked at Garrett and saw the concern on his face. "He-" Andrew stopped, his breathing quickening.

Garrett reached over and put a gentle hand on Andrew's shoulder. "He's not mad," he promised. "He's not going to fire you. Whatever else you're thinking, it's not true."

Andrew nodded. It helped hearing it out loud. "I just really love working with all of you-"

"We love it, too. _I_ love it, too."

Andrew turned his face away, angry at the tears now threatening to come out. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Being in the public eye is so hard. And I'm not even really in it, like you and Shane," Andrew admitted. "Why is there so much speculation-?" He couldn't get the tweets out of his head. _Is your cameraman gay af?_

Garrett sighed. "I know it's hard, Andrew. But Shane and I are lucky because we have a good support system. And you're a part of that." Andrew was finally able to look at Garrett again. "Let us be a part of yours." 

Andrew didn't respond, but he was able to give Garrett a thankful smile. He knew that what Garrett was saying was true and that he needed to heed his advice, given he was still allowed to work with Shane after this.

The car stop and he realized that Garrett had pulled into his place, rather than Andrew's. "We can keep talking if you need to. If not, I thought maybe we could watch a movie?"

Andrew just nodded, his throat closing up with a flood of emotions. He felt so incredibly grateful to have someone like Garrett in his life, someone who knew when he just needed to exist in the company of someone he loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love some input on what the next chapter should be. My original plan was to go straight to the exposing video and blind date, but whilst doing my research for this chapter, I found a good amount of potential Gandrew in the pre-exposure videos. (Like, so much. Andrew was thirsty for Garrett content.) Should I delve into those first (probably primarily Garrett's blind date, which would likely involve Andrew being jealous and not understanding why)? Let me know what you guys think!
> 
> The first video where Andrew filmed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KMXLkqVSCs


	3. Wheels in Motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a little long; the words just kept going. I did try to condense when possible. It was surprisingly harder than I thought writing a jealous yet oblivious Siwicki boy, but I hope it comes across well enough.
> 
> The Matt I refer to is Matt Real, who has the podcast I'm Into That! which Andrew and Garrett have both been on.

Andrew found himself hanging out with Shane and Ryland more casually, sometimes even without Garrett. Sure, they still talked about work, but more often than not they were just getting to know each other better. He particularly liked spending time with the pets. He was currently at their house petting Cheeto, who was getting used to his presence. 

"Garrett's coming over," Shane suddenly announced. 

Andrew’s head shot up. He saw Shane staring at him and he nodded. "Cool." 

Shane and Ryland shared a quick look. "Hey, Andrew. Is there something you want to talk about?" Shane asked.

Andrew didn’t like the look or sound of that. "What do you mean?" 

"About Garrett." 

Andrew's hand froze on Cheeto's back. "What…do you mean?" he repeated. 

"Nothing. I just-" 

"When Shane was beginning to edit the series with Christopher, he had to cut a lot out," Ryland explained, which explained nothing. 

"Oh, I'm sorry-" 

"It's not a problem," Shane quickly promised. "There will always be things to cut out. A lot of it was just...well, Garrett." 

"What do you mean?" Andrew knew he sounded like a broken record, but he wasn’t sure what they were getting at. 

"I was telling Shane that you're used to filming Garrett, so it's probably just habit.”

"What-?" 

"Always turning the camera on Garrett," Ryland finally stated bluntly. 

Andrew looked away from their speculating eyes, trying to think back on that day of filming. It dawned on him that Shane and Ryland were right. Anytime he was holding a camera, it tended to gravitate toward Garrett. It always made sense in the moment; Garrett was always quick with a joke or a perfect facial expression. 

Shane cleared his throat. "I just wanted to-" 

"Sorry. Ryland's right. It's just habit. I'll stop doing it." 

"I don't want to change how you work, Andrew. You still gave us more than enough good material to work with. I only brought it up because I just wanted to let you know that I'm here if you want to talk about...well, anything." It sounded like there was something Shane wasn’t saying.

"Oh. Thanks." For the life of him, Andrew couldn't figure out what he was missing, and it made him flush with embarrassment. 

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Andrew's head snapped toward it. 

"Ryland, could you get that? I still need to talk to Andrew for a bit." Shane jerked his head to the side, gesturing for Andrew to follow him into the kitchen. Andrew did. "Hey, do you think you could get me Garrett’s phone? Unlocked?" Shane asked in a hushed tone. 

"Wh-what are you talking about?" 

"It's for a video I'm thinking about doing." 

"What is it?" Shane usually didn't tell Andrew what he was doing until he had the raw footage ready to be edited. Andrew hoped that even if he wouldn't be involved in the filming, Shane would still tell him what's going on before expecting him to agree to violate his friend's privacy in such a way. 

"Hey Ryland!" Garrett's voice cut through the air, distracting Andrew for a moment. 

Shane sighed exaggeratedly, bringing his attention back. Andrew knew from the look on Shane's face that he was about to spill. "I want to get Garrett a boyfriend." 

Andrew’s brain froze for just a second. "How is that a video?" 

"Well, the video would just be of their first date." 

"Without Garrett knowing?" 

"Yeah. I mean I'll tell him, like, ten minutes before-" 

"So a blind date." 

"Blind date for my best friend! Now that's a title." Andrew was finding it a little hard to have the same level of enthusiasm as Shane. "Come on. I'm sure he'll be okay with it. You know he's desperate for a boyfriend. I mean, he tried picking someone up while looking like a killer clown," Shane reminded Andrew pointedly. 

Andrew didn't think he could ever forget that night of being dragged around a gay bar by a giant Pennywise in glasses. "Okay," he agreed. "But make sure it's someone he'll actually like." 

"Of course. We're not a prank channel, duh," Shane gasped. Andrew smiled in amusement, but the reservations he had were still painted on his face. "Listen," Shane sighed, "I'm just going on his Tinder and talking to someone he's already matched with. Someone he obviously likes but never got the courage to message. Even if they don't end up together after this, Garrett deserves a chance." 

Andrew nodded. "Yeah, he does," he agreed quietly. 

"Good. So go get me his phone and then distract him." 

"Won't he notice it's missing?" 

"Not with you distracting him." 

"What?" 

"Okay thanks!" Shane gently shoved Andrew toward the living room. 

It somehow worked. Garrett had some pictures of bugs to show off and, with Ryland’s unsuspecting help, Andrew was able to bring the phone to Shane. When he returned with drinks, Garrett kept his eyes on Andrew the whole time and Andrew did his best not to glance back to the kitchen where Shane was finding Garrett’s future boyfriend. 

Sooner than expected, Shane waltzed back out, holding Garrett's phone up in the air. "Garrett, you left your phone in the kitchen. Makes sense, since you're always in there." 

Garrett laughed and took his phone back, not realizing he had yet to go to the kitchen. "Oh, thanks!" 

Shane gave Andrew an exaggerated wink. The wheels were in motion. 

Andrew met Shane and Garrett in Shane's car a few days later. Shane explained that they were giving Garrett a makeover with a wink. Andrew knew right away what this video would turn into. He could tell that Garrett was already uncomfortable with just the makeover. Garrett smiled at Andrew though, and Andrew gave him a reassuring one back. 

Andrew realized he actually enjoyed being in clothing stores with Garrett. They often went out to shop for other items or just walk around to get out of the house, but shopping for clothes was usually an individual experience. He had never really seen Garrett outside of his regular clothes, so he was excited to see him in different outfits.

Embarrassment rolled off of Garrett when he came out in the first outfit. He clung to the overalls, as if they could shield him from scrutiny.

“That looks really good,” Shane told him.

“No,” Garrett objected, his face crumpling with disbelief.

“No, you look good,” Andrew piped in, causing Garrett to smile. “I-. Oops, sorry.”

“We’ll cut it,” Shane promised before turning back to Garrett. “Really though, Garrett. You have a nice ass.”

Andrew bit his tongue to keep from laughing as his eyes automatically wandered downward. He realized the camera was following suit and quickly pulled it back up to Shane.

“Your ass isn’t bad.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Shane glanced at Andrew and he nodded in support. As Shane and Garrett went back and forth, Andrew zoned out for a moment. His mind lingered on the topic of discussion and how he never really thought he would be a part of this kind of conversation, even silently.

Shane sent Garrett back into the changing room and he and Andrew went back to finding the right outfit for Garrett. After several hours, Shane was finally happy with what he had found, and they returned to his house to prepare Garrett for the night.

After the initial discussion of Shane’s vision, Shane told Andrew he could relax for a bit while Devan worked on Garrett. He still couldn’t help but keep the camera on to record the process, for the video of course.

When it was all said and done and Garrett came out to reveal his new look, Andrew was floored. He had never seen Garrett cleaned up so well. And with the jacket and the sunglasses, he looked so…. Andrew couldn’t even think of the right words.

Andrew loved how confident Garrett looked and felt after seeing himself for the first time. As they ran around the house to get cool looking shots of Garrett, Andrew was able to laugh freely and forget that the night was long from over.

Andrew was hanging out in the living room while Shane wrapped up the makeover section of the video. He heard Shane finally tell Garrett about the blind date and Garrett freaking out. Andrew began to feel anxious for Garrett, and it only grew worse as he watched Garrett panic more and more throughout the night. He hated that he needed to follow Shane around as he prepared instead of making sure Garrett was okay, but he did his best to hide his feelings.

After a bit of time upstairs, Shane finally turned to Andrew and instructed him to check on Garrett. Andrew left without a word and found Garrett running lines. He wanted so desperately to ask how he was feeling, but he was afraid that would only cause Garrett to spiral. For his benefit, Andrew had to act like tonight would be nothing to worry about, so instead, he just asked what lines he had come up with.

When Shane suggested Garrett do a quick enactment of how he wanted the night to go, Andrew felt the heart that had been pounding for a while calm slightly as he saw Garrett next to Shane’s stuffed man. He realized then how much Garrett deserved having a man by his side and he couldn’t help but hope that the date would go well. 

“-but he sits here, and I hold his hand and I say, ‘Hey, do you wanna watch a scary movie?’” 

Andrew was taken out of his thoughts by that. That was something Garrett said to him often, minus the hand holding, of course. Shane began voicing what Andrew had been thinking moments before and he was suddenly hit with the desire to no longer be there. He knew that he had to be, though, and a touch of irritation began to itch in his brain.

Andrew couldn’t seem to shake the growing negative feelings. It prevented him from appreciating the humor in Garrett and Shane freaking out as Alex, the blind date apparently, came closer to arriving, which irritated him further. When Shane finally dragged Andrew outside to meet Alex, he remained silent as Shane talked to the camera. He saw Shane giving him worried looks and he realized how much he needed to chill.

Before he knew it, Shane was pointing at the entrance, whispering that Alex was finally here. Andrew turned the camera to get the shot of him coming up. His first thought was the Alex reminded him of someone, though he couldn’t pinpoint who. His second thought was that Alex seemed like a nice guy. He greeted Andrew after Shane, but Andrew could only bring himself to nod. His third thought was wondering if this Alex fella was good enough for Garrett. He be charmed by Garrett’s made up look, certainly, but would he view Garrett the way he should once the makeup and nicer clothes came off? Andrew couldn’t help the onslaught of demanding questions filling his mind as Shane led them to the front door.

"So if this all works out, that's gonna be you guys." Andrew panned down to show the doormat with two llamas that Shane pointed at. 

"Oh, great." Alex sounded so indifferent, almost uninterested, that Andrew felt a tinge of anger adding to the mix of emotions flooding his brain. 

He remembered the first time he came to Shane's house with Garrett. _"Look Andrew, that's us!"_ The llamas were already him and Garrett. Anything else was wrong. 

Andrew didn't have long to dwell on this, though. Shane opened the front door and he had to keep up to get the first introductions. He kept his jaws clenched shut as he was forced to film the excitement Garrett was feeling meeting this stranger.

Andrew was able to sort of distract himself with Shane’s unprepared floundering, but he couldn’t help but hear Garrett’s laughter, his _ingenuine_ laughter, in the other room. He knew he would have to film at least some of the date for the video, and he did silently. Even Shane’s unnecessary interjections didn’t seem entertaining in the moment.

Andrew tried to block out the conversations Garrett and Alex were having, because even though he did have the camera shoved in their faces, this was technically still a date. Garrett kept his eyes on Alex, and Andrew kept his eyes on Garrett. He noticed that Garrett would glance at him sometimes, particularly when talking about his lack of luck in the love department, though it was probably because of the camera he knew was there.

At some point in the night, Andrew’s body ended up on autopilot, filming the right moments at the right time without him fully taking in what was happening. He wasn’t sure when that kicked in, but it might have been around the time Garrett said he would go on a second date with Alex. 

Andrew was so relieved when Shane brought him outside to give Garrett and Alex time alone before Alex left. He was able to breathe in the fresh air in an attempt to feel normal again. He couldn’t really get the image of Garrett pulling Alex up for a slow dance out of his mind, though.

After a painfully awkward ending to the date, at least from what Andrew filmed before giving Garrett and Alex time to properly say goodbye, Andrew could finally put the camera down for the night and relax. He went to the bathroom while Garrett was still outside and he decided to stay there for a bit. He washed his face, trying to wash away the heaviness that he felt.

When he came back out, Shane and Garrett had just concluded the outro for the video. Andrew noticed that Garrett still appeared to be glowing. He hated that he had to try to feel happiness for his best friend.

Shane and Ryland offered to let Andrew and Garrett stay the night since it was late, and even as they got settled on the two couches, laying so their heads were near each other so they could still talk, Garrett was still giggling about Alex and their date. "The planning of the entire thing was kind of messy-" 

"Oh, yeah. Shane had no idea what he was doing," Andrew giggled. 

"But I think it went really well!" Garrett exclaimed for the billionth time that night. 

Andrew looked away and just nodded, not knowing or caring if Garrett saw him. It was uncharacteristic of him, but he couldn’t help but wish Garrett would just stop. He knew he should be more supportive; it wasn't often that Garrett had such luck with other men, for some reason. Suddenly, realization hit him. "Matt." 

"What?" Garrett glanced at Andrew, confusion on his face. 

"I just realized who he looks like. He looks like Matt." 

"Oh my god, Andrew," Garrett laughed. "Don't say that." 

"You see it, don't you? Does that make it awkward?" Andrew couldn't rip the grin off his face.

"Of course it does," Garrett whined. "It would be like I'm dating Matt, and talk about messy." 

"You don’t want to date Matt?" Andrew jeered. 

"He's my friend," Garrett said gruffly. "Dating a friend would never work." 

Andrew felt his stomach twist. He didn't understand why. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense," he muttered. 

"So I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that and have a happy life with Alex." 

"Fine," Andrew sighed. He turned over so that he was now facing the back of the couch and not Garrett’s appalled face. 

"Goodnight, Andrew. Love you." Garrett's voice broke the silence a few moments later. It was so small that Andrew almost thought his mind was playing tricks on him. 

The following weeks, Alex was only mentioned when Shane brought him up. Andrew found himself wondering if Garrett ever did go on a second date with him. Every time Garrett glanced at his phone, he wondered what sickeningly sweet texts he and Alex may be sending each other. He did his best to push those thoughts away, though. If Garrett wanted him to know, he would tell him.

In a way, he and Garrett carried on like the blind date never happened. Garrett never asked Andrew about his strange behavior that night, and Andrew never gave him an explanation. He didn't really have one to give. They normally were able to talk about anything, but for some reason Andrew steered clear of that topic like it was a disease.

By the time Christmas rolled around, Andrew had pretty much stopped thinking about Garrett and Alex. He threw himself into his work, editing whatever Shane asked him to. Shane had offered to do most of the work on the blind date videos, and Andrew agreed. He was the boss, after all.

When Shane told him that they would be doing more videos with Christopher, Andrew was looking forward to it. He enjoyed the kid the first time around and hanging out with his new friends – even if he was technically working – sounded like the best way to spend the holidays. 

The day was great, full of laughter and fun. It felt good having everyone there. Andrew enjoyed spending more time with Drew, experiencing Shane and Ryland as parental figures, and just being around Garrett in the mall. They eventually ended up inside a candy store.

Andrew tried to mostly stay with Shane and Christopher. He was followed them as they headed over to meet up with the others when Garrett made an announcement: “This guy said he liked my outfit.”

Andrew wasn’t sure how to feel as Shane pulled everyone together to discuss this potential prospect for Garrett. "Okay, I mean I'm kind of mad because I already set you up with Alex and I don't know where that's going," Shane was saying. 

Andrew felt himself still at the mention of Alex. He didn't want to be here for this conversation. He noticed that Garrett was looking right at him. He obviously didn't want Andrew there either. 

"Are we finding another person for you?" Shane continued.

"It's complicated." There it was, another glance in his direction.

Andrew swallowed the excessive saliva forming in his mouth. _They've been dating this whole time and Garrett felt like he couldn't talk about it._ God, he was such a shitty friend for making him feel that way. 

"I’ll go with the guy who gives me free candy, which I think is Tony at the moment." 

_Wait, maybe they weren't together._ Andrew was suddenly confused, but he didn't have time to try to piece it all together. Before he knew it, Shane and Ryland were convincing Garrett to flirt with Tony and rushing everyone to the cashier. Andrew had to hurry to the front to be able to get a good shot of Garrett embarrassing himself. 

Andrew knew this would happen - Garrett wasn't the best when put on the spot - and he couldn't help the sinking feeling in his gut when Garrett walked out of the store the second time around, no number in his pocket. Garrett looked so defeated, but Andrew stayed with Shane because this video wasn't about Garrett. He had to stay on track, even if he did want to run to Garrett and tell him that Tony has no idea what he was missing.

The rest of the night continued as expected, with even more enjoyable moments where Andrew had to stifle his laughter. He knew the camera would be picking some of it up, but he couldn’t help himself; Garrett was so endlessly amusing to him. Andrew was used to laughing and being around him during the holidays, but tonight, even separated by the camera, he was surprised at how at home he felt with everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best Friend Makeover - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka_3xNfXIjA  
> Blind date - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4w2o6iTbSqo  
> Christmas Series - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7wTjSU0eQM  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at7-ICbAOLA


	4. The Answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the biggest rumor regarding Andrew and Megan was that she ghosted him, but as far as I know that's just a rumor. If anyone has any solid evidence of that, I'll stand corrected, but I do hope it's not true. She does seem like a sweet lady and, let's be real, anyone spending time around Andrew and Garrett can see the chemistry between them.

Outside of Vine, where he could control everything, Andrew didn't like being in front of a camera. He didn't like the sudden permanence of his words and actions or how it opened him up to scrutiny. Sure, he let Gabbie talk him into being in several of her videos, but that was only because he thought he loved her at the time. No, his place was behind a camera, as the silent observer that no one else could observe. 

So he was totally unprepared to be revealed on Shane's channel. He never even thought of it as a possibility. It had been a normal day for filming: he and Garrett arriving at Shane and Ryland's house and him hiding in the kitchen until he was needed. He heard Shane celebrating Garrett for a well deserved million subscribers before he was called in to film them and Ryland on the floor, taking bites out of Garrett's cake.

By the time everyone had settled on the couch to begin whatever Shane had planned for the day, Andrew could already tell that something was up. Shane kept glancing at him and grinning and he had no idea why. Andrew filmed the banter between Shane and Garrett, waiting for Shane to reveal his big plan.

Finally, he did. "We are going to be exposing..." Andrew zoomed in, anticipating whatever Shane was about to say next. "...my cameraman." 

Beside Shane, Garrett gasped. "The boy!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide.

Andrew couldn't help but let out a small "Hmm," more shocked than anything. The three men in front of him began to cackle and Andrew began to felt his pulse quicken as it was becoming clearer what was happening. His anxiety only grew as Shane and Garrett continued to joke and order him to turn the camera around on himself. 

Then Garrett called his name out gently, no longer laughing. Andrew saw that Shane and Ryland also had more serious expressions now, too, and he realized that his internal spiraling was showing on his face. "I'm fine," he promised, prompting Shane to continue the video.

"Now, we have not talked about this, cameraman, but I feel like you should say yes."

"He's literally-" Garrett began to say. Andrew zoomed in on him to get his thoughts, but Shane kept going.

"Because I pay you." Ryland and Garrett began laughing once more.

A few seconds later Garrett stopped again, his eyes scanning Andrew's face. "That's not fair, Shane. He can say no if he wants."

Shane gave Garrett a slightly annoyed look. "Of course he can. But I think he shouldn't. The viewers will love you," he continued, turning to Andrew. "They already do according to Twitter!" he stated happily.

"Sure," Andrew agreed. As much as he didn't want to be on camera, he realized it would probably happen eventually. Besides, he didn't want to disappoint Shane. And he had to admit Garrett looked happy at the prospect, even though he obviously did want to take Andrew's feelings into consideration. Andrew knew it had been hard for Garrett to not interact with him as much while he was working, and he had to admit it was hard for him as well.

Andrew couldn't help to let out a small laugh as Shane took his hand to lead him to the bathroom mirror. Garrett grabbed on as well and Andrew felt his palms get sweatier as they got closer to revealing him. He flushed as Shane mentioned it in the way up the stairs.

Passing through the bedroom door, Garrett let go of Andrew's hand. "Way to go," he said softly. Andrew suddenly began to feel a little bit better. That was until Shane began to express his own nervousness and Garrett implied that he didn't look good. "You look so scared," Garrett quickly explained, giggling. "But no, really, you do look good."

Andrew could only nod as Shane continued to coax everyone into the bathroom. He did his best to relax his body as Shane began to count down. He saw Garrett grinning and rubbing his hands in anticipation, which brought a grin to his own face just in time for him to be revealed in the mirror.

The bathroom filled with excited screams. Andrew began to turn the camera anywhere but the mirror. But Shane brought the attention back to his reflection, so he awkwardly waved and let out a nervous laugh. "I don't know how to act," he admitted.

Shane decided to write his name out on the mirror in a red lipstick and Andrew focused on it, keeping himself out of the frame, partly subconsciously. When Shane finished and exclaimed his name, Andrew couldn't help but giggle again.

Suddenly Shane reached for the camera and Andrew let out a little, "Oh." Suddenly feeling lost without the camera's weight in his hands, he looked around the bathroom, not sure what he was looking for. He caught sight of Garrett watching him, a gentle smile on his face.

"And Andrew is not just the biggest sweetie in the world-"

Realizing what was being said, Andrew brought his hands to his mouth. "Oh my gurd," he mumbled into them. He couldn't believe this was happening, or that Shane really felt that way.

After a quick discussion about Shane's hair color, Shane handed the camera to Garrett. Andrew was looking away, trying to compose himself, when he heard, "Oh my God, look at him."

Andrew quickly looked up to see Garrett pointing the camera straight at him. "What? St-" Andrew began to turn away, flooded with even more embarrassment. 

"I'm sorry!" Garrett exclaimed, though he still had a big smile on his face.

"You're just making it so much worse," Andrew giggled.

"How's it feel to be on camera?" Shane asked then, grinning.

"It's-it's-it's new," Andrew stammered. "I can't-. I don't know." Andrew was used to being tongue-tied, but this situation, while being filmed by Garrett, did indeed seem to make it worse.

After letting Andrew mumble a few more incoherent things, Shane glanced at Garrett. "Okay. Turn the camera off for a sec." Shane turned back to Andrew, now serious. "Andrew, I wanted your actual reaction, which is why I didn't say this until now, but if you really are uncomfortable with this, we don't have to do it. We can delete the footage and do something else today."

"Oh. No, I mean, we've already done it. It's-it's fine."

"Really?" Shane asked gleefully.

"You don't have to," Ryland reminded him.

"No, I-I think I want to." Andrew saw Garrett watching him proudly and he smiled at the three men.

That was all Shane needed to revert back to his excitable persona. "Great. Garrett, turn the camera back on. I have an idea!" he shouted at he ran out of the bathroom. 

Shane proceeded to have Andrew put on one of his pig shirts. The sleeves were a little long for his liking so Andrew rolled them up a little bit; he thought it looked better that way. He came out of the bathroom, awkwardly gripping his own shirt in his hand. As Shane and Ryland gushed over him and Shane discussed the next thing they would be doing, Andrew kept looking glancing at the camera and up at Garrett. He still felt nervous being filmed, but the excitement from his friends made him feel a little better.

Before he knew it, they were in the car on the way to Taco Bell. "So I was thinking to get to know you a little bit better, we should do a Q and A," Shane was saying. 

Garrett gasped, bringing Andrew's attention back to him and the camera he was holding. "This is so weird," Andrew began saying before he fully knew what was going to come out of his mouth. "Like me always filming Garrett, then Garrett filming me. What? This is weird. It's like-" Andrew was rambling now, he knew. What was he thinking? He didn't need to say any of that. He didn't even film Garrett all that much, really. Just for his videos, and obviously for Shane's videos, and sometimes when they were hanging out and Garrett was just being funny or cute or-. Andrew was still talking, trying to reason out why he was thinking that at all without actually saying all of that, when Garrett kindly cut him off.

"Wait, say a Garrett thing," Garrett suggested.

"A Garrett thing?" Andrew could think of several things he could say, but he knew it should probably be relatable to Shane's viewers. "Shane!" he shrieked. He grimaced right after, but luckily that seemed to go over well with both of them.

Shane decided then to get into the questions. Andrew never did like being the center of attention, but he did his best to answer them. He felt like he was at a job interview or something.

"So a lot of people are asking, are you single?" Shane asked.

Andrew hesitated, though he wasn't sure why. "Ya..."

"So are you looking?"

"I guess so. I'm-." Andrew realized that he was at a point in his life where he wasn't constantly thinking about trying to find a girlfriend. "I feel like I'm pretty busy, but at the same time I-I would never say that I'm _not_."

"Give me, like, three celebrity crushes."

Andrew's brain froze for a second. He knew he definitely had some, but he couldn't recall any names. Suddenly be remembered when he and Garrett went to that flea market and saw an actress he thought was attractive, so he mentioned that. Shane was obviously irritated but not surprised by the story. 

"Well, I like-. I like going to-." Andrew tried to say in Garrett's defense.

Shane cut him off, though. "Jesus, Garrett. You are so gay. Why are you like this?" Shane suddenly turned to Andrew. "Wait, no, you have to say it, because-"

"No, he can't say it!" Garrett exclaimed.

"What?" Andrew looked back and forth from Garrett and Shane, suddenly lost.

"Don't. Don't do it, Andrew."

"What?" Andrew repeated. Shane leaned over and whispered something Andrew never would say to Garrett in his ear. "No, I can't!" he blurted out. The car filled with laughter at his discomfort. "I can't," he repeated, biting his hands. He didn't have the same kind of relationship that Garrett had with Shane where he could say that. They were both outwardly queer, whereas he was...

"He knows," Shane was saying in Andrew's ear, trying to egg him on. 

"Andrew, just this once you can say it," Garrett allowed.

"Okay Garrett, you're pretty gay." Andrew was surprised at how easy it was for him to say those words to Garrett. Maybe he did want that kind of relationship with him.

Again, the car filled with laughter. "Coming from a straight person, that's fucked."

"No!" Andrew objected. "I-. No!" Andrew didn't know how to express how terrible he felt.

"You're fine, Andrew," Garrett promised. "We all know it's true." 

Before Andrew could get another word in, Shane had already moved on, demanding to know if he had any YouTube crushes. His first thought was obviously Megan Batoon, but he didn't really want to say that out loud. 

"Andrew," Garrett interrupted his thoughts, obviously thinking the same thing.

Andrew tried to think of others, but for some reason all he could think of was different Shane videos he had watched. He recalled their Team 10 audition one and blurted out Tessa Brooks. He quickly realized his mistake and did his best to keep the conversation going. The only thing he could think of to successfully do that, though, was mention Megan Batoon, so he did. He tried to make it seem like it was just a casual thing, not even worth mentioning her name.

Garrett interrupted his spiel and Andrew giggled, scared of what he was going to say. "Passively, Andrew?"

"I mean, I don't know." Andrew suddenly felt exposed as the mood shifted in the car. He only really talked to Garrett about these kinds of things.

"I just think she's cool," he finally said, trying again to downplay the situation. He knew Shane didn't quite believe him.

"He's getting nervous," Garret cut in. "Let's move on."

Thankfully they reached the Taco Bell and the conversation switched mostly to food for the rest of the ride.

They returned to Shane's place and surrounded a table to finish eating. Shane left for a few minutes, but Andrew was too focused on talking to Garrett and Ryland to really question it. 

When he came back, Shane announced that he wanted to finish the video later tonight. He then asked Garrett to go talk to him about merch.

"Garrett, did you want to leave when you're done?" Andrew asked before they went upstairs.

"Oh, you drove here together," Shane remembered. "Um, this might take a while. Ryland, can you get Andrew an Uber?"

"No, I can get one," Andrew interjected. "Thanks, though. I'll see you guys later tonight."

"Looking forward to it!" Shane flashed him a grin before hurrying Garrett along.

Andrew watched them leave before ordering an Uber. He continued to talk with Ryland until it arrived, and then he left. Back home, he suddenly didn't know what to do with himself. He expected to be filming the whole day, and Garrett wasn't there to give suggestions like he usually was. He decided to go on a walk to remove the nervous energy that still hadn't quite dissipated yet.

When Andrew arrived at Shane's house again later that night, he was feeling petty good about the whole ordeal. He was glad he would be able to see Garrett again; on his walk he wondered what he was doing these past few hours. Andrew caught on almost immediately that there was a nervous energy about him, though. He knew Garrett would just unconvincingly deny it if he asked about it, so he decided to just wait and see if it came up in the video.

Shane suggested they sit on the couch while he got ready to start filming again. Andrew scooted past Garrett to take his seat.

"I got new pants today," Garrett announced.

Andrew looked down at them, a grin on face. He had noticed that as well. "Yeah, you look great."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Cool! Wow. Thanks Andrew."

Andrew wanted to say more, but in that moment Shane called Ryland down. Andrew heard heels on the stairs and it took him a few seconds to wonder why Ryland would be wearing heels for this. He glanced back at Garrett for an answer. He soon got one, though, when he looked back to the stairs and saw the one and only Megan Batoon suddenly appear.

"Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa." Andrew's reflexes kicked in and he quickly got up and, sliding past Garrett, went to hide in the kitchen. "What?" he exclaimed, trying to make sense of the whole situation. He was brought back to Garrett's blind date and knew that Shane was now doing the same for him. He wished Shane had also given him the opportunity to dress up; he was just wearing his regular clothes while she looked like a goddess. He couldn't believe this was actually happening.

He felt like the world was spinning around him, but he knew he had to get himself together enough to actually sit down with Megan and properly greet her. They managed to talk for a bit without him passing out before Shane sent him off with Garrett to try to look more presentable.

Andrew was grateful for the opportunity to get away as he followed Garrett upstairs. "That was so fucking crazy, dude," he exclaimed once they were out of ear shot. As he and Garrett raided Shane and Ryland's closet, he let out everything he was feeling. Garrett was surprisingly silent, and when he did speak it was to support him and try to calm him down.

With Shane's eventual help, Andrew was able to fix his hair and find less sweaty clothes to change into before he went back down. He and Megan were told to sit at the dining table while Shane and Garrett began serving them, and Andrew looked up at Garrett gratefully every now and then, knowing he was the reason Shane seemed to be more prepared this time. When Garrett suggested they take a quick drink, Andrew willingly took his shot to try to calm his nerves. He kept his eyes on Garrett, who was obviously so eagerly doing what he could to try to make this a good experience for him. He was steadily realizing that he didn't think he could make it through the night without Garrett's supportive presence.

Shane and Garrett continued to lay things down on the table, their energy becoming more and more chaotic. Andrew turned to Megan, realizing he should check in on her. He loved his friends, but he didn't want them to ruin any chance he had with her. "Are you having a good time?" he asked, scratching his arm nervously. 

"Yes. Are you?"

"Mhmm." Andrew nodded, glancing at the camera and then back at Garrett.

Shane, Garrett, and Ryland eventually left him and Megan alone (sort of) to talk. Despite the obvious attention that was still there, Andrew began to feel more at ease as they talked, connecting on several things. He was surprised that Garrett knew to include NLP, and he was also amused by the fact that Garrett obviously wrote most of the questions they were answering. Overall, he was really enjoying the conversation, and he was a little disappointed when Shane stopped them to get their thoughts for the video.

Garrett placed his hands on Andrew's back, leading him away and up the stairs. "How do you feel it's going?" Garrett asked once they were upstairs.

"It's-it's a very weird thing and I'm very like, you know, not-. I don't know, se-. Not self-conscious, but it's just like, 'Okay, I know I'm reacting to this in like a very, like, what the fuck is happening way,' and so there's, like, that part of it." Andrew didn't know if any of that made sense.

"I get a sense that she's really liking this." 

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow." Andrew was sure that couldn't be right. "I feel like I never do dates properly," he admitted.

"You know what I like on a date?" Garrett asked. "Eye contact. It's beautiful."

"I've been-" Andrew stopped, realizing that he hadn't _actually_ been holding his eye contact with Megan as much as he probably should have. He decided to switch gears. "It's pretty easy to make eye contact with somebody," he laughed.

"No, there's some eye contact that you can make that says, 'I know this is for a video - let these goofs goof - but, like, I got you.'" Garrett caught Andrew's eyes with his own. "Make that eye contact."

Andrew looked away, giggling nervously. Was Garrett's gaze always this intense? His throat was beginning to tighten and his fingers were tingling. A new feeling flooded his brain, and he couldn't quite place it. He chalked it up to just more nerves and suggested they go back downstairs.

Now in the living room, Andrew began to feel normal again. Well, as normal as he could considering he was with Megan Batoon. As the conversation began again between everyone, a new onslaught of embarrassment filled Andrew as he came to realize that everyone was expecting him to rap. He wanted to be angry at Garrett for exposing him like this, but he knew he couldn't be; he was just mortified.

He got up, because he felt like he couldn't say no, and he mentally prepared to make a fool out of himself. He asked Garrett to at least play some backing music, so that he wasn't standing alone. As it started, Andrew's mind drew a blank for the hundredth time that day. But the music was playing and he had to say something. "Side man, Garrett. I wanna scream Scary Movie, Anna Faris." 

Garrett laughed beside him and he grinned, feeling a little more confident. He was able to find a good rhythm, but there was only so much he could say about how he couldn't believe Megan was in front of him. "I don't even know if that makes sense. Garrett with a baby, it's crazy."

"Oh, the beat's ended!" Garrett exclaimed.

"A capella it, I don't give a shit." The room went crazy and Andrew found himself getting into it even more.

The entertainment section of the night continued, resulting in him and Megan slow dancing. He knew he should have expected this, given Garrett's blind date, but it was still shocking to him that he was in this position at all. Andrew was honestly a little afraid to touch her, but he gingerly did as she showed him some moves. She was so soft, he didn't want to let go.

The night was drawing to an end, so they moved once more to have dessert and talk. The conversation was as good as before, but Andrew knew his battery was almost empty; he tried to disregard it getting lower after expending so much energy on rapping, but now it was too hard to ignore. All of the feelings of the day were just crashing over him at once. He did his best to keep going, though, because when would he be with Megan Baroon again?

The night ultimately ended as well as Andrew could hope for. The video aside, he really loved spending this time with Megan, and she seemed to feel the same way. To his disbelief, she agreed to a second date, which they planned as he drove her home. 

He arrived back at Shane's house utterly exhausted. He returned because he knew Shane would want to film something for the outro, and because he needed to fully express himself about tonight to his friends, despite his lack of energy. He wanted Shane to know that he was grateful for what he did, and that he did truly enjoy the experience. That Megan was as sweet and lovely as he had expected her to be. 

What Andrew didn't expect was how deeply this would affect Garrett. It was surprising to hear just how happy the situation made Garrett, and how strongly he supported a relationship between him and Megan. Andrew was sure to let Garrett know how grateful he was for the role he played in this as well.

Again, Andrew and Garrett opted to stay the night. Andrew was still too overwhelmed to drive home. Like before, he and Garrett settled on the couches once Shane and Ryland retired to their own room, their heads near one another.

"Tonight was incredible. I might be in love," Andrew joked, though he felt like it was only half a joke. He sighed, replaying certain moments with Megan in his mind and trying to comprehend that he actually had a proper date with her set up. 

Garrett grinned at him. "That's amazing, Andrew. I'm so happy for you."

Andrew looked over at Garrett appreciatively and was shocked out of his state of bliss. There was a touch of sadness behind Garrett's eyes that he would have successfully hidden from anyone else. Andrew was suddenly brought back to Garrett's blind date and how he had treated Garrett afterward. Garrett was supporting him now, like a true friend would, like he himself didn't. He began to feel sick to his stomach. "Sorry," he said quietly.

"It's okay. You're just excited, as you should be."

"No, for-" Not exactly sure what he was trying to say, Andrew just shook his head and smiled sadly at Garrett. "You're a great friend, Garrett. I'm sorry I'm not."

"Pfft, shut up." Garrett reached over and gently pushed on Andrew's shoulder. "You're the best friend I could ask for. And you're my friend that has a date with Megan freaking Batoon!"

Andrew grinned. Garrett could always make him feel better. "Yeah, I guess I do."

They laid in contented silence for a moment. "Are you, uh, excited to edit the footage from today?" Garrett finally asked.

"Honestly, no. I asked Shane if he could do everything. I just really don't want to see me making a fool out of myself."

"Yeah, not everyone can handle that hard of a lifestyle," Garrett teased, sending them both into a fit of giggles. 

Garrett cleared his throat. "So then...do you plan on watching the final product?"

Andrew tried to search Garrett's eyes for the hint of nervousness he thought he heard in his voice, but Garrett was looking away from him. "No."

Garrett seemed almost relieved at that answer. "Oh, okay good. I mean, cool. I mean, yeah, that makes sense. Anyway, it's getting late. You need to rest up for your date."

"That's not for a couple of days," Andrew sighed in mock exasperation.

"Goodnight, lover boy!" 

Andrew rolled his eyes before he shut them, a grin on his face.

A few days later, Andrew picked Megan up and took her to a proper restaurant. He was still nervous, despite having already spent a super embarrassing night with her. Luckily, Garrett had been able to hype him up beforehand, so he was able to keep himself from blushing the entire night this time.

The date went well, Andrew thought. They were able to have an actual conversation without being interrupted by three overly excited bystanders. They talked about their jobs ("Working with Shane and Garrett is like a dream come true.") and about when they first moved to LA ("Meeting people like Garrett really helped with the homesickness.") and about the meaning of life ("Sometimes Garrett has to talk me down if I get too, you know, anxious or whatever about how big the world is and how small we are in comparison."). The conversation seemed to flow freely and comfortably. Megan's beautiful face seemed to be lit up the whole time. Andrew felt good.

He drove her back home and walked her to her door. He started to panic. Should be kiss her? Was it too early? For now, he just settled on saying, "Tonight was great."

"It was," she agreed, making Andrew's heart do a back flip. "I had a great time with you."

"Cool." He silently scolded himself. That was _not_ cool. "Um, anyway. I was wondering, uh, if you would want to go out again? Sometime?"

Megan bit her bottom lip, which was a breathtaking sight. Andrew's heart began pounding. It quickened with every passing second. It was taking her too long to answer. Then finally: "You're very sweet, Andrew."

"Oh no, it sounds like you're about to tell me this isn't going to work out," Andrew giggled nervously. Megan gave him a small, almost sad smile. "Oh."

"I really did enjoy these dates, and being around you is great," she promised.

"Then why?"

"A few reasons," Megan admitted. "For one thing, I recently began talking to Gabbie, and she mentioned that you two had dated before. I'm helping her with a new song and it might be awkward-"

"That's-"

"Not a very good reason," Megan sighed. "I know. The thing is-. Listen, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know if you like me as much as you think you do."

"Wh-what do you mean?" Andrew felt almost indignant. Of course he liked her. She was wonderful.

"I think you might be in love with someone else." Her voice was soft, like she was letting him in on a secret.

Andrew was flabbergasted. "What? Why would you think that? I haven't even really mentioned other women."

Megan looked into his eyes, certainly seeing the desperation in them. She stepped closer and put a gentle hand on his cheek. "I think you need to find yourself," she said cryptically. "Something's holding you back."

Andrew pulled away slowly. He didn't know why, but what she said was resonating with him. He tried to push against it; he didn't want to be hearing this. He just wanted this to work out. But he respected her too much to try to force it. "I understand if you don't want to be with me," he said, looking away from her searching eyes. "And that's okay. I hope you find someone as great as you are."

"You _are_ great. I'm so glad we got to meet, Andrew. I would love to still be your friend. I know you might not want that right now, but I hope we can still stay in touch."

Andrew looked back at Megan, hearing and seeing that she meant it. "Yeah, of course." She smiled that beautiful smile that he knew he'd never view the in the same way again. 

As he walked away, Adrew wasn't angry and he wasn't depressed. He just felt numb, and a little confused. He wasn't sure what to do with himself after that, but he quickly realized: Garrett was the answer. 

He sent Garrett a quick text and headed over. Garrett was there for him, opening the door before he could knock. He stumbled inside, letting a few tears he didn't know was forming fall from his face.

"Andrew, I'm so sorry," he heard Garrett say as he rubbed at his face roughly, wanting to remove the evidence of his feelings. "What do you need? I know you just had dinner, but we could get dessert and talk? We could put on a movie or music?"

"Do you have alcohol?" Andrew croaked.

Garrett stared at him for a second. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"I won't do anything stupid," Andrew promised. 

"Fine," Garrett agreed, going to get them some beers. "But I reserve the right to cut you off."

They sat down together and began to drink, Garrett sipping and Andrew chugging. After Andrew began to feel a slight buzz, he finally turned to Garrett. "She dumped me."

"Yeah. What happened?"

"I took her back home and she said I was sweet."

"Are-? I don't understand. Are you sure she dumped you?" Garrett asked with a tentative laugh.

"Ya. She said she was now friends with Gabbie."

"Oh. She said something to her," Garrett guessed knowingly.

"Probably. And then Megan said-" Andrew stopped, staring at the empty can in his hands.

"What?"

"That she thinks I'm in love with someone else. What other woman would I be in love with?" Andrew demanded. "I don't even know that many people!"

He looked up at Garrett and saw that he was watching him, but he couldn't for the drunken life of him understand his expression or what he was thinking. He groaned and leaned over to rest against Garrett, desperate for contact.

Garrett put an arm around him. Andrew felt him brushing his thumb back and forth across his arm comfortingly. He melted into Garrett's warmth and squeezed his eyes shut.

"What did she mean? Who else could I be in love with?" he moaned in anguish. Deep down, his drunken brain whispered a fleeting thought: _Could the answer be Garrett?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exposing Andrew: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4BC2Hx5Wu4  
> Andrew's Blind Date: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCT6IuT8DyM


	5. Testing the Waters (On a Haunted Ship)

Andrew and Garrett had a lot in common, but one thing they disagreed on was the paranormal. Garrett thought it was fun and exciting to try to play paranormal games and go looking for spirits. Andrew, on the other hand, viewed that aspect of the world on the sidelines, ready to run at any sign of danger. It always made him nervous when Garrett went off to do the Spooky Boys videos, though he would never admit it out loud. He would just make sure to text Garrett at the end of the night to ensure he was alive and well.

Luckily, Garrett wasn't out ghost hunting now and Andrew had him for the night. "You know I don't like that spooky shit." Andrew had glanced at Garrett's laptop on his way to throw out the takeout they ordered earlier. Even Andrew could recognize the Queen Mary plastered on the screen. "Why don't we watch something instead? Something less creepy." 

Garrett grinned over at Andrew. "Sorry. Let me do just a little bit more research, 'kay? I wanna be prepared for Shane's next video."

"Are you visiting the Queen Mary?" Andrew asked, walking back to the couch.

"Yeah, we are."

"Oh. Let me know how it goes, I guess." Andrew plopped back down next to Garrett and turned back to his own screen.

"No, Andrew. _We_ are."

It took Andrew a second to register what Garrett was implying. "No," Andrew objected quickly. "No no no no. Garrett, no."

"Andrew, come on. It won't be that bad, I promise."

"Do you really?"

Garrett's eyes flickered back to his screen, where there were certainly horror stories posted, one after the other. "I mean-"

"That stuff freaks me out, Garrett." Andrew hated how pathetic he sounded.

"I know." Garrett's voice softened. "And if Shane didn't need a cameraman, I'd tell him to give you the time off. But it's a big ship, and we want to do a lot-"

"I get it," Andrew admitted gruffly.

"And since there will be five of us, it'll be less spooky. You know that's how that works."

"Five?"

"Did they not tell you? Ryland's sister is in town so we're going with her. She's into ghost hunting, too," Garrett explained gleefully.

Andrew felt a tinge of anger, directed at himself. He could make Garrett happy too if he wasn't such a coward.

"You're braver than you think," Garrett told him, as if reading his mind. "And if you do get scared, which there's no shame in - this is spooky stuff! - just know that I'll be there. I'll make sure no harms come to you."

"My hero," Andrew said jokingly, though his smile and the gratitude he felt was genuine.

Before long, it was time to meet Morgan and spend some quality time with her and everyone else on an actual haunted ship. Morgan was someone that Andrew liked right away. She seemed to be a good mix of Ryland, Garrett, and even Shane, and she was ballsy as hell; Andrew wasn't brave enough to get a tattoo just on a whim. He did appreciate the time it took away from being on the Queen Mary, though.

But nothing would keep the others from a night of fright, expect probably Ryland. The moment he stepped foot on the ship, Andrew felt a chill grip his entire body. Something here was not right. He kept close to Garrett whenever he could as they progressed through check in and finding their rooms.

The first room was nice, but creepy. There was a weird door connecting to the next room, odd smells, and spooky sounds. Andrew focused on filming as the others explored and discussed.

When Shane looked at him with a smirk, Andrew knew it was a bag sign. "Now I can do this," Shane was saying.

Garrett gasped and Andrew knew what was coming. A small "No," escaped his lips, but Shane took the camera from him anyway. Andrew's hands stayed in the air for a moment, not yet registering that they were now empty.

"Andrew," Shane began.

"Oh my God, look at him." Andrew glanced at Garrett and tried to keep from smiling. He looked back at the camera and nodded, accepting the fact that he was again being put on the spot.

"Alright, how do you feel right now?" Shane asked.

"I've never been in any sort of, like, haunted locations in my life, so this is-" Andrew was cut off by a blinding light. He jerked away, trying to regain his full vision. 

He heard Garrett say, "He's so handsome, I had to take a picture," and laughed at Shane's disgust. Andrew himself didn't think anything of it; he and Garrett took pictures of each other all the time.

"So do you feel anything weird?" Shane continued.

"Ya, for sure."

"Well I hope tonight you see your first ghost."

"Maybe," Andrew agreed with a wheeze.

After a bit more conversation, they all decided to look at the other room Garrett had booked. In the hallways, Shane began talking about the oppressive feeling that Andrew definitely felt, and that Morgan and Ryland seemed to agree with as well. Andrew tried to stay on the conversation, but he knew that Garrett was lagging behind at times to take pictures of anything and everything. Andrew caught Garrett sneaking in another picture of him on camera, and he realized that that probably wasn't the only one. Not that he minded.

The first room was bad enough, but the second one, the one that Andrew and Garrett were originally going to sleep in, had the worst vibes Andrew had ever felt. He knew as soon as Shane opened the door that he would not be sleeping there. After walking around in the dark for far too long, Andrew was glad to hear that Garrett didn't want to stay there either.

As the others talked and joked around, Andrew followed Shane around the room and was given the wonderful gift of seeing an actual door actually close on it's own. Garrett then found more orbs in his pictures and everything was just getting too spooky. Then when Shane entered the closet near the closing-on-its own door and came out with a bewildered look on his face, Andrew couldn't help but wheeze a little bit because and despite how freaked out he was. Shane explained that he had heard tapping on the wall and then told Garrett to go inside.

"Okay. I hate this but okay." Garrett glanced at Andrew right before he turned to go inside and Andrew suddenly felt nervous. He held his breath until Garrett came back out, validating Shane's experience.

Then when Morgan tried it, she came out crying and running to Ryland, hearing the same.

"You literally sounded like my Tinder conversations in there, by the way," Garrett cut in. Andrew cackled, glad for even just a second of distraction.

The conversation and experimentation with the closet continued. Then, the thing Andrew was dreading happened.

"Send Andrew," Ryland suggested after refusing again to go inside the closet. Everyone turned to him.

"Andrew," Garrett said questioningly.

Andrew began shaking his head. He then moved the camera as well, to emphasize how much he did not want to go in there.

Shane pointed at the camera. "Go in there and-"

One of the closet doors closing cut him off and everyone jumped. Morgan backed up onto the bed and Ryland shrieked.

Shane got Andrew's attention. "How are you doing on your first haunted adventure?"

"This is actually very-" Andrew couldn't think of the word to accurately explain just how freaked out he was.

"Wait, go inside," Shane suggested again.

"Wait, it's not closing when you just-" Andrew turned to see Garrett willingly interacting the now obviously haunted closet and his pulse quickened.

"Wait," Shane whined.

"My heart's already beating really fast," Andrew interjected.

"Do you want to go inside?" Shane asked.

"No," Andrew laughed.

"Oh, what if I'll go with you?"

Andrew considered. Maybe he could be less of a coward with someone else. "Alri-"

"Or Ryland will go with you."

Ryland again began deflecting, which somehow turned into Ryland going in alone. "Ew. I hate it," he said right away. Andrew burst out laughing, relieved that he was still safe for now.

After Ryland came out, the same experience under his belt, Shane pointed behind Andrew. He realized that he had turned his back to the closet to get everyone in the shot. "Take the camera in there?" he asked, hoping Shane would actually say no.

"Yeah," both Shane and Garrett said.

"Ah. Dude, I, ah, I used to be really really really scared of stuff like this when I was a kid and I have not ventured into this at all." He knew he was backing into the closet despite his objections. His heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

Shane did some work with the cameras as Andrew stood in the closet, afraid to breathe. He was looking at Garrett, hoping he would get him out of this, but Garrett was looking at his own camera. He knew that when it came to ghost stuff Garrett wouldn't back down, even for him. But he couldn't help but wonder if Garrett wouldn't look at him because he knew he would have fallen for the fear in his eyes.

As the doors closed, Andrew did his best to compose himself. He needed to be brave because he was already here in this predicament. He needed to be brave so Shane's viewers wouldn't think he was a coward. He needed to be brave because Garrett thought he was.

Andrew was finally able to find his voice and ask for whatever spirit to say something. After the third time, there was a soft tap. The doors opened from the outside.

"Anything?" Shane asked.

"Yeah, I mean that's like-" Andrew stopped, still hearing taps, and willingly stepped back into the closet, bringing his ear close to the wall.

"Wait. Whoa," Garrett breathed.

"Are you okay?" Morgan asked.

"You heard it. I heard it," Shane exclaimed.

"Well, it was weird because it was happening right after I said it, and then it kept on going and I was like, 'Oh, it's probably just something,' but when I stopped saying anything, it stopped, so..." Andrew explained, coming out of the closet. 

"That is so weird," Shane said. 

"Wait, I took a bunch of pictures. Maybe that'll have something," Garrett suggested.

Andrew crowded around with everyone else as they looked through Garrett's camera. Most of the pictures were normal but there were a few that made Andrew's skin crawl. Halfway through, he remembered the camera still in the closet and went to get it.

They finally left to meet up with the tour guide outside. Andrew continued filming, doing his best to keep the tour guide out of the frame and trying not to soak in the stories he was telling them. Fortunately, but also strangely, Andrew kept getting momentarily distracted by Garrett's voice in his head. _"I wanna fall in love up here! Andrew?"_

By the end of the tour, everyone was properly freaked out. Food was the best option after all of that, so they ventured out once more to get dinner. Andrew felt a little bit better with this goal in mind. Recording Garrett dancing, relating to stuffed corgis with him, and having him eat his leftovers made Andrew almost forget that they were on a haunted ship.

After successfully freaking themselves out completely once again back in their suite, everyone crawled onto the giant bed for moral support. Andrew saw the others laying down, Garrett practically in Shane's lap, and he wished he could lay down as well; the constant spikes of adrenaline were getting to him and now he would give anything to just rest in that crevice next to Garrett. But he remained sitting so that he could film properly.

Andrew was grateful when Shane finally suggested they go to sleep. He didn't particularly want to wake up at 3 and explore more, but at least he would have a few hours where he would hopefully be unconscious. Shane asked if everyone was sleeping on the bed, which did sound ideal.

"No, I'm too big. I won't fit," Garrett said, despite the fact that they were all on it before. He laughed but there was no humor in it. "I'll sleep on the couch."

Andrew could tell Garrett was getting in his own head again, if only sightly. "Of course we'd all fit," he interjected. "It just might be uncomfortable with five bodies. Even with three, so I'll go with Garrett."

"Andrew, we both definitely won't fit on the couch."

"I'm sure we can. We'll make it work." Andrew felt warmed by Garrett's smile.

"Okay, well figure it out out there," Ryland cut in. "I need all the sleep I can get before 3."

Andrew and Garrett moved to the common area and sat on the couch. They didn't talk about their sleeping arrangements. Instead they began discussing everything that had happened so far that day and how they felt.

"We should probably try to get some sleep," Andrew finally suggested, his eyelids feeling heavy.

"I'm kind of too on edge to sleep," Garrett admitted. "I don't feel tired at all."

"Really?" Andrew was also on edge, but it seemed to be the reason he felt like he was lacking energy.

"You're tired?" Garrett asked.

"So tired, man," Andrew said, finally allowing his exhaustion to come across in his voice.

"Oh, Andrew, go to sleep."

"I'm afraid I won't be able to," Andrew admitted, rubbing the rubber band on his wrist between his fingers.

"Because you're scared?" 

Andrew would have been offended if anyone else had asked him that. "Yeah," he said softly. He appreciated how vulnerable he could be around Garrett.

"Don't worry, Andrew. I'll be awake and I'll make sure no ghosties bother you in your sleep."

Andrew smiled. "Thanks, Garrett."

"I won't let anything hurt you," Garrett promised, staring intently into Andrew's eyes. Andrew swallowed the excessive saliva that suddenly formed in his mouth for some reason.

After a few seconds, Garrett cleared his throat and stood up. Andrew watched him ruffle through his bag, tentatively pulling his legs up onto the couch. There was a pressure building in his chest. Surely it was just because of the ship. 

Garrett settled on the floor with Benjamin, a book, and a bottle of alcohol in his arms. "Garrett," Andrew objected.

"I won't get drunk, Andrew. It'll just be here if I get a little parched."

"No, don't sit on the floor. Come here." Andrew drew his legs closer to his body, trying to give Garrett room to sit on the couch.

"Thanks buddy, but I'll be okay. I promise. Get some sleep."

Andrew didn't like the idea of Garrett on the uncomfortable floor, but he did prefer to stretch out. "Alright, but if you change your mind just move me."

"Okay, good night Andrew," Garrett said pointedly, but with a hint of affection.

Andrew closed his eyes. He still felt the pressure in his chest, but he tried his best to relax his body. He focused on Garrett's breathing until he fell asleep.

Andrew woke up to a light in his face. He realized it was Shane, which meant that it must be 3am. He seemed to feel more restless than before, but Andrew still got up to do his job.

Their adventure out was exactly what one would expect from exploring a spooky ship. Ryland was eventually over it and went back to bed. Andrew desperately wanted to leave as well, but he knew he couldn't. He continued filming as they went back outside.

Andrew saw Garrett getting further and further away from them. Then Garrett found an opening and slipped inside. "What is he doing?" Andrew asked.

" _What_ is he doing?" Shane repeated.

Everyone hurried after Garrett. He was climbing higher. 

"Garrett, what are you doing?" Andrew demanded, his voice low and rough. He usually appreciated Garrett's sense of curiosity, but after everything that had already happened tonight, he did not want to lose sight of him.

"Garrett, _what_ are you doing?" Shane laughed.

After a few suspenseful seconds, Garrett came back around the corner. "I just wanted to see." Andrew laughed at Shane's facial expression, and in relief.

An hour or two later, they returned to the suite. Shane suggested that someone sleep in the small room by the front door. They went back inside it to look around once more.

"Night, Garrett." Shane turned off the light and Garrett quickly objected. Andrew giggled.

Andrew followed Shane and Morgan out of the room, knowing Garrett would be right behind him. "Ee ew ew ew ew," Garrett suddenly exclaimed. Andrew quickly turned around, catching the front door starting to slowly open. "Look at that. Look at the front."

"Whoa." Andrew backed up. Garrett followed him, trying to get Shane's attention. Andrew couldn't take his eyes off of the door, which was now wide open. When he finally did, Garrett brought their attention to the fact that the door connected to the other room was also open.

Once both doors were secured, Shane asked Andrew and Garrett if they would be okay sleeping out here again. Andrew felt like he would prefer to be in the room with everyone, but he nodded when Garrett did. They moved back to the couch and Shane and Morgan left them. This time they just sat in silence for a bit.

"Are you going to sleep this time?" Andrew finally asked.

"I dunno, should I?"

"I think you should."

"Alright. I don't wanna sleep in that room alone, though. Andrew, come sleep with me."

Andrew felt a tingling sensation shoot through his body. He giggled, trying to shake it out of him. "No, that room is creepy as hell."

"Andrew!" Garrett whined quietly.

"Alright, alright. Let's just get the mattress out here. We can put it by the couch."

Garrett's eyes widened. "Really?" 

"Yeah," Andrew giggled.

They got up and, as quietly as they could, began dragging the mattress out of the small room.

"If that door opens again I'm gonna freak out," Garrett muttered.

Andrew snorted. "If that happens I'm taking it as a sign and I'm running out of here and never looking back."

Andrew and Garrett managed to pull the mattress close to the couch, giggling the whole time.

"Do you think it's big enough for two people?" Garrett mused.

Andrew felt himself stiffen. Was Garrett asking if they could sleep together again? As in, sleep in the same bed, clothes on, space in between. "I don't know," Andrew began, feeling as though he had to force the words out. "I don't want the others-" Andrew stopped. What was he thinking? He never cared about what others thought about him and Garrett. He knew they seemed closer than in any other friendship he had, but that's why he treasured it so much. Plus, the others thought he was straight. Which he was? Either way, he and Garrett were just friends.

"Yeah, no. Sorry. I was just thinking out loud. About nothing. You know how I am." Garrett looked away, clearing his throat.

"Yeah, no problem." After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Andrew shoved Garrett's arm lightly. "It looks a little small, but you can bet I'll be crawling next to you if I see a ghost." It looked like Garrett's complexion darkened, but it was hard to tell with the lights off. "Goodnight, Garrett." Andrew settled back down in the couch, his heart racing.

Andrew woke up and he was simultaneously relieved and disappointed that he didn't see a ghost. He didn't have time to consider these feelings, though, because Morgan suddenly came out of the bedroom. They greeted one another silently as she pulled up a chair. They began talking softly about their nights until Garrett woke up, and then until Shane and Ryland got up.

Andrew never felt better than he did walking away from the Queen Mary. On the ride back, he napped since he didn't have to film and he still felt dead inside.

It was almost dinnertime when he and Garrett finally said their goodbyes and left Shane and Ryland's house. 

"Do you wanna grab something for dinner?" Garrett asked, pulling out of Shane's driveway.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Andrew agreed.

They rode in silence for a bit. Andrew felt an itch in his hand and moved it between him and Garrett, his palm facing up. He didn't know why or what exactly he was expecting, but his heart jumped when he thought he saw Garrett's fingers twitching on the steering wheel. He jerked his hand back when Garrett turned to him at a red light. He had a grin on his face. "You did it."

"Did what?"

"You spent a whole night in a haunted location! You saw some crazy shit and you still persevered, my boy."

Andrew snorted, but he couldn't help the smile forming on his face. "Light."

Garrett turned back, seeing the now green traffic light, and continued driving. "I'm just saying I'm proud of you for being so brave." 

"Couldn't have done it without you," Andrew murmured. He could tell from Garrett's twitching lips that he heard him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Queen Mary Series - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcMvyGeV_6w  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehby1npFCnk  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCPDcIQstr8


	6. Life and Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a minute to figure out how to format this chapter because there was a lot of good material in the videos between Queen Mary and Texas (which will be the next chapter!), but not enough to dedicate a whole chapter for a specific series. I hope it's not too confusing and this is still a good enough chapter, even with the experimental structure and shorter length.
> 
> Molly, of course, is Molly Burke. Absolutely no disrespect to her or anyone who is blind.

**Are you awake?**

It was 3 in the morning, so there was a good chance Garrett was indeed still awake.

**Ya. What’s up?**

**Can’t sleep.**

Only a handful of seconds passed before Andrew saw Garrett’s picture on his phone, accompanied by familiar buzzing. Andrew answered the call to be met with a bleary-eyed Garrett. His hair was tousled, and he appeared to be in his sleep shirt.

“Were you just about to sleep?” Andrew asked, his thumb hovering over the button to hang up.

“It’s fine. I was going to keep looking at Twitter for at least another hour.”

Andrew hesitated before moving his thumb. “Sorry. I was just thinking about today.”

Garrett let out a sigh, but it was far from disrespectful. “Talk to me.”

The best conversations between Andrew and Garrett seemed to be late at night, and Andrew found himself initiating these conversations more and more often in the past few weeks. He wasn’t sure why, but Shane’s videos were getting to him. If he was honest, he didn’t really expect to be working on videos as deep as these have been getting.

“Blindness was never on my radar before,” he heard himself explaining. “I know it’s not likely, but the thought of waking up and not being able to see-” _-you..._

Andrew was generally smart enough to know when to stop talking before he said anything…well, questionable. To Andrew, at least. He had no explanation for these new thoughts, these thoughts that seemed to ultimately center on Garrett. They started shortly after the Queen Mary, where the sense of loss in the air was palpable.

_“It’s kind of dumb, but I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re alive.”_

_“Oh, Andrew. Thanks, man.”_

_“Ya.”_

_“Is this because of the video today? Don’t worry; the bug kingdom hasn’t gotten me yet.”_

That was one of their more recent late night conversations, after Andrew was forced to spend the day thinking about Garrett being dead. Of course, Garrett didn’t do a great job at being a corpse, still talking and joking with Andrew, but the idea of it still stayed in Andrew’s head, even after the makeup was taken off.

_“If I do die first, can I come visit you as a ghost?”_

_“Ya, you can come visit me as a ghost. I don’t-”_ -want to lose you that easily.

_“I know you don’t like ghosts-”_

_“I’d make an exception for you.”_

“You’re right,” Garrett agreed softly, bringing Andrew back. “It’s not likely. But it is scary.”

The understanding in Garrett’s eyes prompted Andrew to continue, even though he didn’t know how to voice his concerns. He never seemed to know how to voice his concerns lately. “To live without sight – I know it’s not a death sentence. But the feeling of loss Molly and people like her must feel…”

“It’s important to note that you can lose a part of yourself, even something as important as an entire sense, and still be complete.”

Andrew nodded. He knew all this, he really did, but hearing it out loud helped it fully sink in. “It doesn’t prevent your life from having meaning,” he said certainly, more for his own benefit. “If there’s a change in your identity-” _-even one you haven’t figured out yet…_

“It just alters the meaning. Exactly.” Garrett smiled; Andrew wasn’t too far gone. “Like I said before, life is what you make of it.” 

_"Is being with someone and having a family the, like, meaning of life?"_

_"It is if you want it to be."_

_"Is it too late for me? To find someone?"_

_"You're starting to sound like me, Andrew."_

_"Sorry."_

_"But no, you're fine. I promise."_

Andrew had been throwing himself completely into his work now that he had a stable job. He hadn’t had a serious relationship in a while, and it didn’t bother him. But there were so many little things – at work, even – reminding him that maybe it should. Shane and Ryland were becoming more and more serious. People were starting to ship himself and Morgan; she was beautiful and funny, but she was like the younger sister of the group. And Garrett was just always desperately trying to find someone, like he knew something about life that Andrew didn’t.

_"Do you want to find someone and have a family?"_

_"You know I would like to find someone, but if I don’t, that’s okay. And having kids – well, I wouldn't be good with kids."_

_"I think you would be a good dad. You seemed to really like the baby today. And he liked you."_

_"Thanks, Andrew. That means a lot."_

“I think what’s freaking me out the most is just no longer being able to see anything. Like, obviously that’s what being blind is, but there’s so much more to it than just not seeing objects, don’t you think?”

“For sure. And seeing material items is something that many people definitely take for granted. But you don’t need to physically see something to see it, you know? You can be blind and still see how beautiful the world can be.”

“And how beautiful people can be,” Andrew blurted out. “Like-” _-you._

Garrett smiled, though he averted his eyes. “Exactly.”

Andrew cleared his throat. Garrett’s nuggets of wisdom were making him feel better, but the thoughts running rampant in his head now were just examples of how Garrett could light up the room with just his comforting presence and brilliant mind. “I, uh, I think I should go. Sorry to keep you up so late. But everything you said did help. Thank you, Garr.” 

“Ya, no problem. I’m here whenever you need me.”

“Thanks. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Andrew. Goodnight.”

Andrew hung up and settled into bed. He was no longer shaken by the idea of losing the ability to see; he felt reassured that it wouldn’t really change how he viewed Garrett. Now he was kept awake by something far more confusing and distressing – the feeling of a lost opportunity. He didn’t know what he could have done differently, but something was telling him that there was something he just couldn’t see. _How ironic._ God, he was losing his mind, too. 

Andrew put on some music to help distract himself. He couldn’t afford to keep running these incomplete thoughts and fears around in his head, because the one thing he was definitely losing was sleep.

A couple of days later, Andrew received a call from Garrett. He was talking a mile a minute, trying to explain something involving a bike and Post Malone. “Will you come?” he finally asked breathlessly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Andrew giggled.

“Andrew!” Garrett whined. “I’m going to Coachella. Will you come?”

“Coachella? I don’t know. That’s not really my thing…”

"I mean, same, but come on, Andrew. You've been so worried about life recently, why not just live it up at Coachella for a night?" 

That stuck in Andrew’s mind as he gave half-hearted excuses not to go. The disappointment in Garrett’s voice was so obvious, though, that Andrew agreed to think about it. A few moments after they hung up, Andrew received a message.

**I’m heading back to LA now and then I have to go, so let me know soon okay?  
I'll force Shane to give you the time off if you need.**

**Okay.**

**Tonight I'd rather talk to you in person about how out of place we feel than over the phone about life being a simulation.  
Not that I mind those conversations! That is a very valid concern.  
I'm sorry if that came off as rude.  
What I'm trying to say is I want you with me.**

Andrew felt his heart flutter. 

**I'll go.**

Feeling totally unprepared, Andrew met up with Garrett at the Coffee Bean and then they were on their way to Coachella. They found the house many hours later, and after some awkward but surprisingly not too uncomfortable interactions with Garrett’s friend and his friend, they were able to settle down a bit in the room they were sharing before trying to get into the first Coachella event.

“Oh, Andrew! I forgot! I made this for you, if you want it.”

Andrew looked down at the hoodie in Garret’s hands and recognized the elf and ribbon on it right away. He accepted it and slid it on, laughing the entire time. He couldn’t wipe off the grin on his face as he showed it off to Garrett. It wasn’t that cold, but he kept it on for most of their trip.

He was wearing it still when Garrett finally texted him back in LA after their wild adventures, which resulted in Garrett losing his phone.

**I got a new phone!**

**Good. Now I can go back to sending you stupid shit.**

**Oh, that’s all I missed while not having a phone.**

**hahaha**

Andrew stared at their conversation, trying to think of one of his signature stupid things to send. His mind was drawing a blank, though. Luckily, another bubble popped up before he had to think about it too hard.

**You had fun, right? At Coachella?**  
**I mean, not the Coachella part obviously lol**  
**But everything else?**

**Ya, I’m glad you talked me into it.**

**Good <3**

**_It felt good living in the moment with you._ **

Andrew hesitated before hitting Send. Normally he wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but something was holding him back from sending this. He deleted the message and decided to just send something less…well, questionable. To Andrew, at least.

**:)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dead Garrett: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6c36eiPhvo  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSgjxCjiY6c  
> Shipping conversation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48p-Gjh0L5s  
> Garrett with a baby: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kymZR5FrTJY  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPn4_00LNsE  
> Molly Burke collab: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH_Zq1ZS7O8  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN-ZCqaSHHk  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEB-gXvTUs  
> Coachella fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcJva-bXkY8  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jm-2woWs3tk


	7. Deep in the Heart of Texas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I probably spent way too long trying to figure out the friendship bracelets. Ryland's still confuses me, but I did my best. If anyone knows what he did get, feel free to let me know. If the toy store part seems rushed, it's because that whole situation makes me uncomfortable every time lol

Andrew was never a fan of planes. He tolerated the trips between home and LA, but he tried not to fly if he didn’t need to. When Shane told him that the squad would be flying to an undisclosed location, he wasn’t thrilled. He was curious about Shane’s plan, though, and he was ultimately looking forward to spending this time with his friends.

By the time the plane was in the air, Andrew was already freaking out internally. Luckily, he wasn’t as bad as Shane; he could hold in his panic long enough for the trip to be over. He did what he could to distract himself. He wrote in the notebook Garrett got him, he laughed at Shane and his interactions with Ryland, he focused on Garrett and Morgan’s interactions, he filmed everyone sleeping when he couldn’t, and he tried not to be bothered by the fact that he was alone. He knew the seat he was in was the best spot for filming, but he would have much preferred swapping with Morgan.

They eventually made it to Texas and found their hotel, with Andrew filming the whole time. Garrett offered to carry his things, leaving his hands free for the camera. They all then stayed up pretty late, drinking and making a mess in the room Shane, Ryland, and Morgan would be staying in. When Andrew and Garrett retired to their own room, they fell asleep quickly.

Now Andrew was being woken up by Garrett calling his name. He felt disoriented, being pulled from the nightmare he was having so abruptly. He vaguely recognized that it was almost light outside and that he was struggling to catch his breath. He barely felt it when Garrett sat on his bed.

“Andrew, you were having another nightmare.”

Andrew had nightmares every now and then, a symptom of his anxiety he assumed. He hadn’t had one in a while, and he wondered why tonight. Then he remembered what he had been dreaming about and he felt his throat close up again. He grappled for something, anything, and found Garrett.

“Andrew, it’s okay,” Garrett murmured, taking a hold of Andrew’s hands. “You’re safe.”

Andrew nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to pull himself out of the dream. He felt grounded by Garrett’s touch, the gentle strokes on the back of his hands. Soon he was able to breathe.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Garrett asked softly.

Andrew finally looked into Garrett’s eyes, praying he didn’t look as rough as he felt. “Sorry,” he croaked out.

“You don’t need to apologize. What do you want to do?”

Andrew knew what he meant. Did he want to talk or just go back to sleep? “I think the plane ride just messed me up a bit,” he admitted.

Garrett shifted so that his whole body was now on the bed, his legs crossed. “Yeah, I was afraid it might have. You seemed okay after we got off, though.”

“I was okay. I am okay.” Garrett didn’t respond. He just kept staring into Andrew’s eyes. 

Andrew looked away. He felt his palms begin to sweat, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from the much-needed physical contact. “I’ll be okay,” he promised.

“Do you want to tell me about the nightmare?”

“I was…we were all on the plane. It got hit by something, I-I don’t know what. But the floor began to crack between me and you all and-” Andrew faltered, the fear he felt in his dream seeping into his bones again. “And I lost you.” 

“Oh, Andrew, that’ll never happen.” Garrett let go of one of his hands and reached forward, brushing away a tear that Andrew didn’t realize had fallen. Garrett’s hand snaked around to the back of his neck and he pulled him forward into a hug. Andrew clung to Garrett’s sleep shirt with his free hand, resting his head against Garrett’s shoulder.

This had only happened once before, where Garrett had to comfort Andrew after a nightmare. It was earlier on in their relationship, so while they had not yet gotten to a point where they could embrace like this, it definitely shifted the dynamic between then. 

“On the way back, I doubt Shane will have you film,” Garrett murmured in his ear. “We can sit next to each other and I can hold your hand just like this-” Garrett squeezed Andrew’s hand gently. “-so you’ll know we won’t get separated.” 

Andrew felt all of his fears slowly disappear, morphing into gratitude and something else he couldn’t quite place in this heightened state. He felt safe in this position; he almost didn’t want to leave it.

“Do you want to try to sleep again?” Garrett finally asked.

Andrew nodded and pulled away, feeling cold at the loss of Garrett’s body heat. “Thanks, Garr.” He settled back down and pulled the sheet up to cover him. He wasn’t too surprised when he felt Garrett settling down next to him. He scooted over just enough to feel Garrett’s arm against his own as he drifted back into sleep.

The next day, everyone except Shane still had no idea what they were doing in Texas. They must have had a day to kill, though, because they just went to explore the city. Andrew was trying to wrap his head around if they were looking for pigs or a makeover for Morgan or both when they found a shop called The Magick Cauldron. They decided to stop there before going to get lunch. 

“I got everyone something from the witch store!” Morgan announced at the restaurant after the waiter left with everyone’s order.

“What? When?” Ryland demanded.

“When you weren’t paying attention to me. Which could have been at any time,” Morgan joked, pulling out a bag and ruffling through it. A few moments passed as she continued to mutter to herself, her head nearly inside the bag.

“Aw, Morgan, that’s so sweet. Need help?” Garrett reaching forward to grasp the opening of the bag.

Morgan swatted his hand away. “No, I’ve got it! I just needed a moment to remember who gets what.” Andrew giggled as Shane and Ryland shared an exasperated look. 

Morgan pulled out a light pink bracelet. “This one is for me,” she declared. “Rose Quartz, to give and receive unconditional love, because I need all the help I can get in the love department.” She tore off the tag she was reading and slid the bracelet over her wrist.

Next was a black bracelet. “For Shane. Obsidian, to help reveal hidden talents and bring success.”

“I’m gonna cry,” Shane whined, reaching out to take the bracelet.

“Please don’t,” Morgan pleaded, getting laughs from everyone else. “Ryland, I got this one for you.” She pulled out a bracelet with green and brown beads. “This has Amazonite and Smoky Quartz, which can bring confidence, creativity, and happiness.”

“Sister!” Ryland exclaimed. He slid the bracelet over his wrist and began looking at it from different angles.

“Ryland’s thinking about all the outfits it’ll go with,” Garrett guessed. Andrew cackled beside him.

“Garrett!” Morgan pulled out a brown bracelet. “This is Tiger Eye.”

“Ooh! Put it in my little hand!” Garrett grinned and held his hand out like a child asking for candy.

“It improves the ability to focus on an objective,” Morgan explained, an amused grin on her face.

“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?” Garrett asked, sounding unsure if he should be offended or not.

“It means you’re too distractible and I want to help you fix that.” The table filled with laughter as Garrett pouted. “It can also bring good luck,” Morgan added.

“Okay, give it here.” Garrett took the bracelet and began studying it closely.

“And Andrew, I got you Labrodite to help you achieve your goals and realize your dreams and ideas.” Morgan pulled out a green bracelet and gave it to Andrew.

“Thank you, Morgan. I really appreciate it.” Andrew took off the tag and read that it also attracts power and brings transformation. Curious about how that would be applied to him, he stuck the tag in his pocket. 

After everyone had their fill of food, they piled back into the car to find a makeup place for Morgan. Once they settled on a store, Andrew spent his time walking back and forth between Morgan getting a bold makeover and Garrett and Ryland getting fake nails. A few hours later, the results were in. Morgan looked kind of ridiculous, and so did Ryland and Garrett, if Andrew was being honest. Andrew did like seeing Garrett so happy though, with bright green claws that shot tingles down Andrew’s spine when he let Garrett scratch his arm.

After a night that consisted of playing dress up and talking to strangers, Andrew was glad to be back in the hotel. Everyone was in the bigger room again, just relaxing and talking about the day, when Shane revealed that they were in Texas for a paranormal related reason. Andrew felt his anxiety spike, but he held on to the knowledge that he did survive the Queen Mary not too long ago. 

Back in their own room, Andrew and Garrett were sitting on Andrew’s bed when Garrett broke the silence. “So I guess it is another haunted video.”

Andrew nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure it won’t be too bad,” he said, trying mostly to convince himself.

“Yeah, probably not.” Garrett cleared his throat and averted his eyes. “Do you think you’ll be okay tonight, or do you want me to sleep here again?”

“Oh. Uh-” Andrew recalled the night before, and the nightmare he had had. Part of him wanted to ask Garrett to stay, but he also wanted to prove that he would be okay sleeping alone. Before he could decide, though, he felt Garrett lightly running his nails over his arm. He felt the tingles he felt earlier and laughed awkwardly.

“Oh, sorry.” Garrett pulled away. “I don’t know what it is. Having nails just makes me want to scratch everything.”

“No, I mean it feels good.”

“Yeah?” Garrett glanced at Andrew questioningly and he nodded. Garrett began scratching Andrew’s arm again, a bit harder.

Andrew closed his eyes, letting the tingles take over. Why did that feel so good? After a few second, a moan escaped his lips as he felt the tingles swell between his legs. He pulled his arm away as if it had been burned, his eyes shooting opening with a gasp. 

“I gotta-. Sorry.” Andrew jumped off of the bed and practically ran to the bathroom. “What the fuck was that?” he whispered to himself. He paced for a while, trying to find an explanation for that…reaction. Garrett was his best friend, for crying out loud. 

He stopped in front of the mirror, gripping the counter. He glanced down at the bracelet Morgan got him. To help him realize his dreams and ideas, it had said. Even this damn bracelet couldn’t help him fully realize how exactly he was feeling toward Garrett right now. But there must be something, to have that kind of a reaction, right? And all of the confusion he had been feeling the past few weeks…? But on the other hand, it had been a long time since he’d been with a girl. God, everything was so confusing.

Not knowing what to do, Andrew settled on splashing water on his face and going to bed. He almost didn’t want to go back outside, fearing that Garrett would want an explanation. When he stepped out, though, he saw that Garrett was in bed, his back to Andrew and the covers over his head. As Andrew quietly stepped over to his own bed, he saw that the green nails were now placed in a pile on the table between the beds. Guilt shot through him as he turned off the lamp.

Andrew had a restless night coming in and out of strange dreams, fortunately none of which were nightmares.

The next morning, Garrett had woken up first. Andrew sat up and saw that the nails were missing; he must have thrown them away. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go ahead and see if the others are up.” Garrett was putting on his shoes.

Andrew felt his stomach drop. Garrett must really be upset if he was willing to leave without him. “About last night…” Andrew began hesitantly.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I was really tired. You didn’t have another nightmare, did you?” Andrew shook his head, touched at the concern he heard in Garrett’s voice. “Good.” Garrett got up and opened the door.

“Wait-”

But the door had already shut. Andrew felt frozen to the spot. Tears threatened to spill over. What had he done?

A few moments later, the door opened slowly. Garrett stepped back in, his eyes down. “I forgot, uh…” Garrett stopped, having not thought his lie out all the way through.

Andrew wiped at his eyes aggressively as he stood up, facing away from Garrett. “I’ll take a quick shower and then we can go.”

“Okay.”

Refusing to let Garrett see his face, Andrew gathered fresh clothes and headed to the bathroom. He stopped in the door frame. “We okay?” he asked softly. He was afraid to say more than that, in case all of this was in his head.

“Yeah. Of course.”

Andrew ran through the shower as quickly as he could; the constant motion kept him from thinking too hard. When he came out, Garret gave him a smile that told him that everything really was okay.

Together they walked to the other room, where Morgan and Ryland were hanging out. They settled on the couch as Ryland explained that Shane would be in shortly. “The viewers get to know what’s going on before us,” he sighed exasperatedly.

“I mean, not technically…” Andrew objected, getting a giggle from Garrett.

Shane finally came in and Andrew shifted into the role as camera man. He tried to become the objective observer just filming, not that he ever worried too much about it in the past. It still stung when Garrett showed the camera his fake nails were gone, though.

Before he knew it, they were off on another adventure, this time heading toward the ridiculously nice house of another youtuber named Bunny. After an interview between her and Shane and a house tour, it was time for dinner. Andrew had a good time, which the drinks he had helped with. He felt normal around Garrett as they ate, with Garrett stealing food off his plate like usual. He didn’t even feel too bothered as they planned for the next night.

It hit him the next morning, however, that they would soon be in a haunted toy store. On the drive to Austin, he joked and laughed along with the others, hoping nothing too serious would happen that night. 

The store felt as messed up as he had expected it to when he stepped inside. Andrew already wasn’t feeling great, having just been worried about Garrett’s actual life minutes before. The objects inside freaked him out, he didn’t enjoy being involved in trying to provoke a spirit in the bathroom, and he hated it when Shane decided to turn all of the lights off. But nothing really made his blood run cold until a low growl seemed to rumble through the walls. He stepped closer to Garrett as he filmed everyone’s reactions.

After a few minutes of fearful speculation, relief flooding through Andrew’s body when Garrett finally revealed that he had caused the sound. It was just another silly prank and not an actual demon. Most everyone else laughed a bit, either relieved or impressed or both. It quickly became obvious that Bunny was really upset, though.

“Okay. Let’s turn off the cameras,” Shane ordered, irritation written all over his face.

Andrew couldn’t allow himself to turn of his camera. He knew he couldn’t let this part of the video end like this, with Garrett unable to defend himself. So Andrew kept filming, intent on capturing the whole story.

Andrew felt heavy secondhand embarrassment from Garrett as he realized how shaken up he had made people. He quickly went after Bunny to hysterically apologize to her. The regret Garrett was exuding was too much for Andrew, so he stayed with everyone else to get their reactions. They were nice enough when Garrett came back over, explaining how they felt and even complimenting the execution of it all. Andrew tried to throw in his two cents as well, but he got tongue-tied. 

Then Shane approached. “Garrett, let’s talk.”

Shane walked toward another aisle, away from everyone else. Garrett followed, his steps nervous at the verbal lashing he knew he was about to get. Tense, Andrew started to go after them.

“Andrew,” Ryland warned, causing him to freeze. Andrew cleared his throat and awkwardly stepped back over to him and Morgan. “You can stop recording now,” Ryland continued. Ashamed at being caught, Andrew turned the camera off.

“He’ll be okay,” Morgan whispered to Andrew.

“I know you care about him. A lot.” Ryland stopped talking for a moment, his gaze intense. Andrew knew there was something Ryland wasn’t saying. “But what he did was fucked up.”

“That’s not-” Andrew began to object.

“It was kind of funny…” Morgan cut in.

“Shane, I’m so sorry!” Garrett’s wavering voice rose up. Shane’s voice could also be heard as well after that, but it was still low enough that Andrew couldn’t catch what he was saying. It was fast and angry, though.

Andrew exhaled sharply. His body screamed at him to get Shane to back off, but he knew Shane would just get even angrier if he interrupted. 

After a few more minutes, Shane and Garrett returned. Shane went off to find Bunny without another word. Andrew stepped over to Garrett, giving him a questioning look. Garrett just nodded, which Andrew took to mean that he was okay enough.

As they shifted to film Bunny’s video, Andrew stuck by Garrett. He noticed that Shane and Ryland kept their distance. Even Morgan did too, despite her occasional fleeting glances. Andrew knew that Garrett noticed as well.

The ride back to the hotel was a silent one. Ryland and Morgan in the back had their eyes shut, as did Shane in the front seat. Andrew would have thought Garrett was also trying to sleep if he didn’t catch his blinks in the moonlight. He was leaning against the door with his chin in his hand, staring out the window. He did make it through the rest of the night, seemingly unbothered, but Andrew knew he was waging a war against himself in his head.

Andrew glanced down, where Garrett’s other hand was laying limply on his leg. He was brought back to the first night in Texas, when Garrett so easily took a hold of his hand to let him know that he was there for him. Swallowing a small lump still stuck in his throat from earlier that night, Andrew glanced once more at the others to see that they hadn’t moved. He tentatively slid his hand over, letting his fingertips brush over the back of Garrett’s hand.

Garrett moved his head ever so slightly, turning to stare down at their hands. Andrew gave him a gentle smile when his eyes finally flickered upward, searching for an explanation. Relief flooded through Andrew when Garrett smiled back and flipped his hand over, letting their palms touch.

It was almost 4 in the morning when they arrived at the hotel. Garrett gingerly pulled his hand away and Andrew drew his back as well. Garrett thanked the Uber driver and exited the car, so it was up to Andrew to wake the others. 

In the elevator, Shane pulled out his phone and looked through it sleepily. “We have to get up early tomorrow to drive back to Houston for our flight. Everyone sleep as much as you can.” Everyone mumbled an agreement. They exited the elevator and paused at Andrew and Garrett’s room. “Night, guys.”

“Goodnight, Andrew,” Ryland said pointedly before walking away. Shane followed him without another word.

Morgan glanced at Garrett sympathetically. “See you two in the morning.” 

“Night, Morgan,” Andrew said, watching her walk away.

Garrett opened their door and headed straight for the bathroom after grabbing his sleep clothes. Andrew stared at the door uncertainly before deciding to quickly change himself. He crawled into his bed and looked at his phone while he waited.

When Garrett finally came back out, he stopped in his tracks. “You should be sleeping,” he scolded Andrew.

“I wanted to talk to you.” 

Garrett sighed and approached his own bed. His head was down; he obviously didn’t want to talk. 

“Come here,” Andrew pleaded anyway. 

Garrett hesitated, wringing his clothes in his hands nervously. Andrew patted the bed next to him and Garrett gave in, dropping his clothes on his bed before coming over to sit.

“Are you okay?” Andrew asked. It was a stupid question, but he didn’t know how else to start.

Garrett closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. “I ruin everything,” he whispered.

Andrew felt his body tense. “You do not,” he said forcefully. 

“Everyone is so mad at me.”

“It was just a tense situation,” Andrew explained. “They’ll be okay by tomorrow.”

“I never think things through,” Garrett sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “Everything I do is wrong.”

“You did nothing wrong,” Andrew pleaded for him to understand. “Everyone was joking around, including Bunny.”

“I made her cry.” Garrett’s voice cracked, and so did Andrew’s heart.

“You didn’t know,” Andrew said softly. “And she forgave you.”

Garrett swallowed and looked away. “Yeah, but everyone who sees that is still going to think I’m a big asshole.”

“If anyone thinks that, they don’t know you at all,” Andrew promised. “And besides, weren’t you the one who told me not to care too much about what the viewers think?” That got a small smile out of Garrett. “You don’t need to beat yourself up over this.” Garrett nodded, though he still looked sad.

Andrew scooted back so that he was resting against the headboard and lifted his arm. “Come here,” he ordered softly. Garrett stared at him for second before willingly scooting back as well. He rested gently against Andrew’s arm, though he left space between them. “I know we should be sleeping, but let’s get you out of your head first.” Andrew held up his phone and pulled up Youtube.

As they watched random videos that made them laugh, Garrett relaxed more and more. His body gradually shifted until there wasn’t much space left between the two men. He didn’t seem to notice, and Andrew wasn’t going to bring it up. It reminded him of their Coachella trip. After the Neon Carnival, they had sprawled onto the bed, drunk out of their minds, and fell asleep the moment their heads hit the pillows. Andrew had woken up early and realized Garrett’s arm and leg was underneath him. He admittedly did stay in that position for a few minutes, watching Garrett sleep, before deciding maybe he should get up.

Garrett yawned about forty minutes later and sat forward. “Thanks, Andrew. I feel a little better. We should sleep now, though.”

“Lay down.” The words were out of Andrew’s mouth before he could think about it.

“You want me to sleep here?”

“I mean…not if you don’t want to. I know it’s easier to get back in your own head when left alone, though.”

Garrett smiled at Andrew gratefully and laid down. Andrew got up to pee and turn off the lights before settling back in bed. He and Garrett were both on their sides, facing each other in the dark; Andrew could almost discern the details of Garrett’s face. Suddenly, he yawned. Not wanted to be rude, he turned onto his back and looked away, stretching his body out toward the edge of the bed.

Garrett reached out to grip Andrew’s waist and pull him back. They both froze for a moment before Garrett quickly pulled away, mumbling an apology. 

Andrew stared out at the blackness of the room, his heart racing. His skin still felt warm where Garret’s arm had rested momentarily across his body. He whipped back over when he felt Garrett moving, presumably to leave the bed. He placed his hand on Garrett’s side to keep his from getting up. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “You saved me from cracking my head open,” he lied.

Garrett exhaled in disbelief, but he didn’t try to get up again. Andrew tentatively pulled his hand away and tried to get comfortable again. Were they even closer than before? His torso was still pulsing with warmth, making it hard to sleep.

The next morning, they set out early for Houston. Garrett ended up falling asleep, his head thrown back. Andrew didn’t mind when Garrett’s head slipped to the side half an hour later, landing on his shoulder.

“Are you guys still mad at Garrett?” he asked the others quietly, not wanting to wake the man sleeping on him. They had seemed more subdued than usual as they packed everything in the car, though Andrew knew it could have been due to the time that they had to get up.

“No,” Shane answered after a second.

“Then you should tell him that. He was really upset at himself last night.”

No one responded and Andrew wondered if he had done the right thing. He fiddled with the bracelet around his wrist. Normally he wouldn’t have potentially stirred the pot, especially if high emotions could still be involved. But maybe he was realizing that he had didn’t need to be scared or nervous. Maybe he had to power to do what he could for the man he loves.

The person he-

The people he loves.

Anyone he loves, not just Garrett. Not just a good friend. Which is what Garrett was. Just a good friend.

Garrett groaned in his sleep and Andrew gently rested the side of his head to the top of Garrett’s, hoping that would somehow calm whatever was going on in the sleeping man’s dreams.

He came to his senses a second later and jerked his head back up, opening the eyes he had allowed himself to close. He saw Ryland watching at him through the rearview mirror. He cleared his throat and kept his eyes down until they made it to the airport.

Flying back, they weren’t in first class. Their seats were all in the same row, though the aisle separated two near the window and three in the middle.

“Can Andrew and I have the window seats?” Garrett had asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice. Andrew knew it was because he was afraid Shane would say no, maybe out of spite.

But Shane put a hand on his arm and smiled at him. “Yeah, of course. You’re still my best friend, you know,” he added, getting a smile out of both Garrett and Andrew.

With a bounce back in his step, Garrett led Andrew to their seats on the plane and they settled in. As the plane left the ground, Andrew found himself feeling okay. He felt even better, though, when Garrett took a hold of his hand and didn’t let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Texas Series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-sW4PfSxwA  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o08t04SJeqU  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR9M_rsXfDs  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz4oC-6BECE  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Rf0iXdZ1To  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jh65HFArNu8  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eExAkGrcoQ8


	8. The First Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys are starting to get somewhere. Sort of.  
> To be honest, I'm not confident about the timeline but I did my best based on upload dates and context clues. Also, after my extensive research, I hypothesize that Ryland figured it out before Shane.

Andrew wasn't sure when exactly Shane and Ryland began to see right through him. 

Maybe it was after their trip to Texas, when Andrew really starting viewing Garrett in a way he never thought he would. Or maybe it was after Shane filmed his series on Jeffree Star, when it finally dawned on him that maybe he didn't like seeing Garrett with other men for a reason.

Not that he would try to control or thought he even could control Garrett's love life. If anything, he would love seeing Garrett with a boyfriend, as long as he was happy and treated well. But the way Jeffree interacted with him made Andrew's blood boil. Garrett deserves better than someone who sees him as just a quick lay, worthy of a set amount of money and not the whole damn world.

Andrew was reviewing some of the raw footage to plan out the series with Shane when the first conversation happened.

"Do you think Garrett will do it?" Shane suddenly asked. 

Andrew just continued to stare at his screen, not bothering to entertain the idea.

"Would be tell us if he did?" Ryland, who was keeping them company, asked.

"Oh, you know he would."

"Okay, true. But I don't think he would. He's too in love with-" Shane screeched incoherently to cut him off.

Andrew's head snapped up. "What?" He saw Shane giving Ryland a warning look.

Ryland carried on anyway. "I mean, he's obviously into you, Andrew."

Andrew tried to laugh through the lump forming in his throat. Ryland was obviously mistaken. That couldn't be true. "That's not true."

"I mean, I don't know," Ryland backpedaled. "It seems like at least a little bit. Right, Shane?"

"I mean...yes," Shane caved in. "But if anything, it's just a silly sort of stupid crush that everyone gets on their friend, that isn't really a crush" he quickly explained. "He knows you're straight."

Andrew felt himself getting defensive. "I just don't get why you would think that." Ryland and Shane shared an almost amused look and Andrew realized how that sounded. "I mean-"

"It's nothing serious. Sorry I brought it up." Ryland didn't exactly sound sorry. 

Andrew wondered what game he was trying to play at. "But why do you think that?" What if there _was_ something he wasn't seeing?

Shane sighed. "Did you ever watch your blind date video?" Andrew shook his head and Shane turned back to his laptop, pulling up his channel.

"Wait, I don't want to-"

"I'm just showing you a little bit." 

Curiosity beat his insecurities and Andrew allowed Shane to skip around in the video. His eyes was glued to the screen as Shane asked Garrett if he was in love with him and Garrett fumbled with his words.

"He's like a brother, he really is."

Andrew felt mostly relieved at the obvious lack of interest Garrett had in him, but a tinge of disappointment managed to crawl it's way in. Andrew pushed these feelings away. "That proves nothing," he laughed. "You can ask Garrett about anything and he'll get tongue-tied."

Shane shrugged and turned his laptop back around. "Like Ryland said, it's not that serious." Andrew glanced back at Ryland, who was watching him but still not giving anything away either. 

Andrew didn't know where to go from there, so he decided to just step back from whatever this conversation was. "I'll be back."

As soon as he was out of sight, he heard Shane start talking again and he froze. "I told you he's straight."

"I just wanted to see." Then: "He was really hoping for proof, though. Did you notice that? Maybe he's just not ready to admit it."

"Maybe."

Andrew wanted to run away, but his body wouldn't move. He felt his cheeks heating up. Did he really come across as that desperate? 

Shane spoke up again. "Do you think he went to jerk off in the bathroom? Like, the thought of Garrett liking him turned him on?"

His whole body feeling like it was on fire, Andrew finally was able to walk away, Shane and Ryland's laughter ringing in his ears.

Andrew was more embarrassed at himself than anything. Shane and Ryland taking about him and the crudeness of their jokes didn't surprise him enough to bother him. He was more concerned about that fact that apparently he wasn't hiding his confusion regarding how he felt about Garrett well enough.

And that's definitely what it was. Just confusion. Garrett was his best friend. He couldn't really afford for it to be anything else.

That conversation stayed with him. Every time the whole squad was together, every look his way from Ryland or Shane made him uncomfortable. He knew he just needed to let it go, but it was hard. Because now he was also questioning every glance from Garrett. How often did Shane and Ryland joke with him in the same way? How was he not affected by it? 

The fans shipping Morgan and himself, Andrew found funny. His friends shipping him with Garrett just made him uncomfortable. Not because it was with Garrett per se, but because it was being done by people who actually know them and could see their relationship potentially evolve right in front of them.

But the only person who ultimately mattered in this situation was Garrett. It didn't matter what emotions he himself may be feeling, Andrew thought. It mattered if Garrett actually did like him as more as a friend. And guess what? He obviously didn't.

So despite these moments of doubt, Andrew was able to continue on like nothing was any different from before. He still talked with Garrett about anything else, they still laughed and spent hours with one another. He felt secure enough in their relationship that even Garrett's birthday plans didn't bother him that much.

"Hey, I'm filming a video with Jeffree on the fifteenth," Garrett had announced to an unprepared Andrew.

"Wait. You're spending your birthday with him?" Andrew had to force himself to keep his voice steady, because it did admittedly bother him a little bit.

"Well, I mean, part of it. But I was hoping you'd come with me."

"Oh. Really?" Andrew was relieved; he and Garrett always did something together on their birthdays.

"Yeah! What kind of birthday is it if I'm not spending it with my boy, Siwicki?"

Andrew smiled at that and his irritation dissipated. "Yeah, of course I'll come."

"Cool! We'll be getting dinner afterward."

Andrew took that to mean just him and Garrett, but apparently it also meant Jeffree and Nathan. He admittedly had fun playing around with Jeffree's things and his dogs while he and Garrett filmed, and Nathan seemed like a reasonable guy. But now at the restaurant, pretty much all of Garrett's attention was on Jeffree and Andrew hated it. Jeffree kept reaching over to touch Garrett while saying the most flirty and crass things. Andrew couldn't wait to leave.

Andrew was mentally preparing to call an Uber and _not_ break down on the way home - Garrett had driven them to Jeffree's place, and it seemed like Garrett was considering taking Jeffree up on his offer months ago - but to his surprise and absolute delight, Garrett said his goodbyes and led Andrew back to his car.

They decided to drop by Shane and Ryland's place; Garrett said they and Morgan wanted to celebrate some more with him. On the drive there, Andrew steered the conversation away from Jeffree and toward literally anything else. Garrett didn't seem that invested in talking about him anymore, anyway, which pleased Andrew.

While Andrew knew when Garrett was on a date or when he thought he met someone he was going to marry, Garrett didn't really tell him more than that. The selfish part of Andrew was glad he didn't have to endure Garrett's sexual adventures with other men. But another part of him acknowledged that it didn't sit quite right. Not only were they supposed to be able to talk about anything, Andrew knew there was a lack of things to even talk about.

Andrew never really understood Garrett's thought process when it came to dating. He would always meet up with numerous guys, but it never exceeded more than three dates. Every time Garrett stopped taking to them, he would get sad and get drunk, even though - and maybe because - it was always his fault. These sad episodes happened every now and then, usually in the office where Garrett insisted they hung out. (His home wasn't ready for visitors, he kept saying. It didn't bother Andrew too much, because at least they still had a place to hang out. Just the two of them, too, since Shane didn't really go there anymore.)

Several weeks after his birthday, Garrett called Andrew over to the office for this very reason. Andrew could tell he was already drinking. He headed over quickly, knowing he would have to console Garrett over yet another man that didn't even know why things didn't work out. He entered the office and was greeted with the sight of Garrett surrounded by a handful of empty cans. 

"Andrew!" Garrett exclaimed. "There's more drinks in the fridge." Andrew silently went over and grabbed another pack. He sat next to Garrett and opened a can for himself. 

As they drank, Garrett started talking about anything that wasn't his failed potential boyfriend. Andrew let him. He was never good at starting these kinds of conversations. And besides, once he was drunk enough, Garrett always ended up taking about his love life.

It took about half an hour this time. Garrett glanced at his phone, which buzzed, and sighed. "He keeps messaging me."

"Who?"

"That guy I went on a date with last week."

"Have you responded to him at all?" Andrew asked, already knowing the answer. Garrett's grimace was just extra proof. "Garrett," he sighed.

"I know," Garrett whined. He downed another can.

Andrew took another sip as well. "I know you joke about it but you gotta stop ghosting people."

"I know!" Garrett said again, his whine becoming more defensive.

"Do you even know why you do it?" Andrew asked. Garrett sighed and reached for another drink. He mumbled something, but Andrew didn't catch it. "What?"

Garrett tossed the apparently empty can. "Can you get me another?" he asked, his words beginning to slur.

"I don't think I should."

Garrett huffed and got to his feet. Andrew watched him stumble around, expecting him to go to the fridge. But he didn't. Andrew got up and followed him. _Where was he going?_

"Away," Garrett groaned.

Andrew realized he asked that out loud. Oops. _Did he mean away from him?_

"No. Just don't wanna talk 'bout it."

Andrew realized he must be drunker than he thought if he wasn't actively filtering his thoughts. _Why were they now in the laundry room?_

"I don't know, Andrew. Maybe I wanna wash away my emotions."

"That makes no sense," Andrew giggled. He suddenly stopped and stared at the washing machine behind Garrett in wonder. "Wait, can you do that?" Garrett burst out laughing, and Andrew joined him. Each attempt to stop just made them laugh harder.

"None of these other guys ever make me laugh like you do," Garrett finally sighed out. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Why date any of them if they're not you?"

Andrew stared into Garrett's eyes, his mind working overtime to figure out what he was trying to say. Despite the what seemed like years that it took for this sluggish speculation, Andrew's drunken brain rushed him into crashing his lips against Garrett's.

It was a messy first kiss, but god did it feel good. His desperation came pouring out of his mouth as he pressed against Garrett, desperate to be as close as he possibly could be. They bumped against the washing machine but Andrew kept thrusting forward, his hands grappling at Garrett for dear life. 

He felt the strain of looking up, the tenseness in his jaw as it moved, the scratchiness of Garrett's stubble. But he also felt Garrett's hot breath entering his mouth, the vibrations of his moans in his chest, his firm grip on his hips. And these feelings trumped anything else.

Andrew rapidly came to his senses when a large tub of laundry detergent fell down, spilling all over the floor. He pulled away, gasping for air. He stared at Garrett, who was staring back at him with the widest eyes, and his heart began to pound. _What had he done?_

"Andrew-"

"I'm not gay!" Andrew blurted out. It was getting harder to breathe. "Fuck!"

The hurt in Garrett's eyes almost went unnoticed. "I know."

"I gotta...I gotta go."

Garrett was blinking back tears now. "We should talk-"

"No, I can't." Andrew hated seeing Garrett upset, but he was so close to having a panic attack he couldn't really focus on it. He needed air and to sober up before he made any more stupid mistakes. Without another word, Andrew turned and fled the apartment, stumbling outside. He ran, with no real destination in mind. He just needed to be away.

He stopped when his legs could no longer support him and plopped down on the sidewalk. He realized his face was wet; he didn't know when exactly he started crying. But he couldn't stop now.

He felt his pocket buzzing and fished out his phone. He had many texts, all from Garrett. Tears still streaming down his cheeks, he opened them and tried to read the blurred words.

**I'm sorry  
I'm so fucking sorry  
I'm so sorry for making you mad  
and uncomfortable  
It never should have happened  
please forgive me  
How can I make it up to you?  
You're my best friend.**

Andrew sniffled, the tears coming again with a new found force. His heart hurt so badly.

**You're my best friend too.  
and I'm sorry  
I'm not mad at you. I just needed some air. I shouldn't have left like that  
Please don't be upset. We're okay.**

God, Andrew hoped that was true. 

Garrett didn't respond, and Andrew didn't blame him. They both needed time to process what just happened, sober. Andrew didn't want to think about the ramifications of his stupid actions right now, so he ordered an Uber to go back home and sleep.

Garrett still hadn't texted him by the end of that day, or the day after, or the day after. Andrew hated it. He thought about sending more messages, but would Garrett just ignore them too? Would he just be another guy that Garrett kissed and ghosted? Andrew knew that couldn't be the case, not after everything they've gone through. So he gave Garrett as much space and time as he needed. 

Andrew threw himself into his work harder than before. This wasn't difficult, because he and Shane were now working on extended projects, which luckily didn't call for Garrett's presence. Every now and then, Andrew would notice Shane giving him a worried look, though. Shane even asked a few times if something had gone on between him and Garrett. Andrew realized that must have been another reason why Garrett wasn't around - he probably checked in to see if he was there before coming over. By the genuinely concerned looks Shane was giving him, Andrew could tell Garrett just told him the same thing: nothing happened.

About two weeks later, Andrew finally got a text.

**I'm going to the office to clean up the laundry room.**

Andrew stared at it for a while, trying to decide if it was an invitation or a warning. Probably too long after, he finally responded:

**ok let me know if you need help**

Andrew almost didn't expect a reply, but he got one soon after.

**I would like your company**

**I'll meet you there in 20**

Andrew rushed over to the office and saw Garrett waiting outside. It hadn't been that long, but god, did Andrew miss just looking at him. He walked over, trying not to let his nerves get to him. "Hey."

"Hey."

They stared at each other for a few moments. The awkwardness between them just felt so wrong. Andrew stuck his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight. "Listen-" he started.

"Wait." Garrett cleared his throat. "We don't have to talk about it. You were drunk. I was _really_ drunk. It was clearly a mistake. We can leave it in the past and not let it change how we are. I-I don't want it to change us."

Andrew felt a stab in his chest. That's exactly how he felt, but yet-. He nodded. "Yeah, man."

Garrett didn't respond right away, as if he was expecting Andrew to say more. Andrew didn't know what more to say. "Cool. Let's go up and assess the damage."

They went upstairs and made a half-hearted attempt to clean up the spill. Then they hung out a bit longer, just talking and laughing. It took a while for the tension to break, but soon Andrew felt more like himself again than he had in the last two weeks.

Garrett turned to Andrew, suddenly serious. "Hey, I know I'm always giving excuses about why we should only hang out here. Maybe that wouldn't have happened-" Garrett gestured toward the laundry room; Andrew knew he was talking about the spill, but all he could think about was the kiss. "-if we were at my place or something. So I'm wanna fix it up soon, and I thought it could also be a cool video. Will you come over and record some of the process?"

"Yeah, man. Of course." Andrew was excited about this for two reasons. He always loved filming Garrett and helping him with his videos. And not that the office wasn't comfortable enough, but he had been dying to spend time with Garrett in a cozier space.

In a few days, Garrett called him over. Andrew was more shocked than he thought he would be at the state of Garrett's house. He told Garrett the truth about how he felt cleaning it up in just one day would go, and the light disappearing from Garrett's eyes made his heart hurt. He quickly reassured Garrett that he was still very supportive of the idea, and even offered to help once the camera was turned off. Garrett refused though, wanting to do this on his own.

Andrew wasn't too surprised when it took a week for Garrett to invite him back over. During that week, he didn't see much of Garrett, but he did feel much better about the separation. He took the time to try to pretend the situation in the laundry room never happened, but it seemed he couldn't. He was confronted by the situation once again when Morgan decided to move back into the office. He went with the others to film as they explored the office, which was still littered with things from the last time he and Garrett were there.

When Shane demanded an explanation from the stain in the laundry room, Andrew panicked. Trying to keep his voice steady, he started to explain that an earthquake caused the spill. It was a stupid story, but it was the only thing he could think of at the moment. He could tell from Ryland's smirk that at least he didn't buy it.

Later that day, Shane confronted Andrew again. "I don't know what exactly happened between you and Garrett before, but I'm glad to see you're friends again."

"Oh." Andrew decided he didn't need to deny it anymore. "Yeah. Thanks."

"What happened?" Shane asked after a moment.

Andrew looked away, afraid of giving anything away. "Nothing."

"Did something happen at the office?" Shane was getting too close for comfort. "Did he finally say something?" Despite the vagueness of the question, Andrew knew what he was trying to get at. "Or maybe you did?"

"I'm not gay. I'm not like you." Andrew wasn't sure why that was his gut reaction, but it's what came out of his mouth.

Shane looked almost taken aback before his lips began to curl up in a smile, as if something finally clicked. "I didn't say you were." Andrew didn't respond. "Listen, we don't need to talk about it now. But next time we do, maybe remember that I'm not gay; I'm bi."

Andrew suddenly felt exposed. He muttered an okay and walked away, his face heating up. He planned to never have this conversation come up again.

It was late when Garrett texted Andrew a few days later, saying that he was finally done with his house. When Andrew arrived a few minutes later, he was completely caught off guard. First, by the presence of the rest of the squad, and second, by how nice the place looked.

After the camera was turned off, everyone stayed for a while. They postmated some dessert and just hung out. It was special - the first time they were all at Garrett's place. As soon as Garrett's attention was focused on Ryland and Morgan, Shane gestured for Andrew to meet him in the kitchen. Andrew walked over the few feet over, not sure what to expect.

"I just thought you should know," Shane began, his voice low, "that while we were cleaning, Garrett had a panic attack."

Andrew felt his heart sink. As long as he had known him, Garrett had never had a panic attack. His only real experience with them was when Andrew and Shane had one, and every time Andrew was glad Garrett didn't know the suffering that it entailed. "Oh my god," was all he could think to say.

"Yeah. We were able to calm him down, but maybe you should talk to him later," Shane suggested.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. When it happened he said he wanted you here."

There was no judgement - only concern - in Shane's eyes, but Andrew still looked away. "He said that?"

"I think it just slipped out."

Before Andrew could respond, laughter erupted from Garrett. "Did you guys hear what Morgan just said?" he called out. Shane walked back over, demanding to know what was going on. 

Andrew stepped over to Garrett's fridge, looking for a drink and taking a few more seconds to compose himself. Luckily there were two cans of sparkling water left, so he grabbed them. As he went back to the group, he handed Garrett a can. The happy smile Garrett gave him helped remove any remaining worry for the time being.

Shane eventually decided that it was getting late and asked Ryland and Morgan if they should leave. They agreed and, after saying goodbye to Garrett, left. Andrew thought he saw Shane give him a pointed look as he passed him out the door.

"Are you going, too?" Garrett asked Andrew.

"I was hoping to stay, if that's cool."

"Yeah. Sure thing." Garrett moved over to the couch and sat down. Andrew followed him.

"The place looks so good, man. It must have been really hard sorting things out, right? Just so much stuff and..." Andrew trailed off, but sure how to bring up Garrett's panic attack.

Garrett searched Andrew's face. "Shane told you about earlier," he guessed.

Andrew nodded. "I wish I could have been here. You've helped me through so many panic attacks, it would've only been fair to return the favor."

"It's okay, Andrew. I didn't want you to see the house until it was done, anyway. I wanted you to be surprised. And, I dunno, proud."

Andrew was saddened to see how far away Garrett seemed. His voice was small and his eyes were darting all over the place. Andrew prayed that it wasn't still because of what had transpired between them. Sure they didn't really talk about it, but everything seemed normal enough to Andrew.

Deciding to ignore his internal monologue and any weirdness being so close again may cause, he pulled Garrett into a hug. "I'm _so_ proud of you, Garr," he murmured in his ear. 

Andrew felt Garrett tighten his grip around him. It felt right. Sitting with Garrett in his tiny home, able to forget about any potential strain on their relationship yet still feeling so deeply, just felt right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeffree thirsting over Garrett: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q2PgfYbppY  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhTw1SUxWTA  
> Suspicious office activity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-8MlyGIVzg  
> Hoarder Series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wpddZjCuiI  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STqVvQIF_CU


	9. Figuring It Out

Andrew never meant for it to happen again. If anyone asked him, he wouldn't even be able to explain how it did. One moment he and Garrett were just hanging out, getting intoxicated and a little stoned, and the next they were kissing. 

Whatever conversation they were having was completely forgotten as they somehow ended up on the floor, the kiss between them deepening with every passing second. Garrett's taste was so intoxicating, encouraging Andrew to lick and nibble whatever he could get his mouth on. He tangled his hands in Garrett's hair, tugging gently as he felt Garrett's large hands slowly roaming over his torso.

Without warning, Garrett slipped an arm around Andrew as his other hand pressed on his shoulder, lowering him down. Andrew gasped into his mouth, caught off guard by the sudden display of assertiveness. Garrett pulled away and pulled his arm out from under Andrew, who landed fully with a grunt. Andrew stared up at Garrett with wide eyes, the hunger he saw making his stomach turn. Being underneath someone like this was totally new to him, but fuck if it wasn't hot.

Andrew was quickly able to forget the discomfort of laying on the hard ground, for he was now entirely focused on Garrett and his mouth, which had returned to his own. He whined when Garrett pulled away again moments later, but he soon realized that it was to trail kisses down his neck. Andrew groaned with pleasure and turned his head, giving Garrett more area to work with.

Other than Garrett's lips brushing expertly against Andrew's throat, he wasn't touching him. He was hovering above him, on his knees and elbows. Desperate for more contact, Andrew arched his back and wrapped his arms around Garrett's large form. He ran his hands up and down his back before traveling down to grip his waist.

When Garrett brought his lips back up, Andrew moaned into his mouth. He began to pull down forcefully, guiding Garrett's hips toward him. He wasn't exactly sure what else he was expecting, but the foreign, hard object suddenly pressing against his thigh shocked him back to his senses. 

Andrew forcefully pushed against Garrett's chest to get him off. Gasping for air, he quickly sat up and scooted back as far as he could, distancing himself from Garrett and the bulge in his pants - the one a was trying desperately not to stare at. 

Garrett shifted, covering himself up. Andrew could have laughed at absurdity of the situation if he wasn't so horrified at what he'd done.

"Fuck," Andrew finally let out. There was no real conviction behind it, because as much as he regretted it, he didn't want to. 

"We should talk about this." The calm in the air and Garrett's voice was unsettling. Andrew couldn't stand it. He stood up and started gathering his things. "Andrew."

Andrew didn't respond. He was afraid of what he would say. Because as much as he wanted this, and as much as Garrett appeared to want it, it couldn't happen. Garrett would only hate him later if it did.

Garrett stood as well and gripped Andrew's arm to keep him from leaving. "Andrew, please! Just talk to me!"

Andrew ripped his arm away, suddenly flooded with anger. He was pissed that he had all these feelings and he couldn't act on them. And he was so damn irritated that Garrett wouldn't let him suffer alone. "I don't even know what I'm doing here! I was in bed, almost asleep, when you asked me to come over. The sun's probably up. I'm-I'm sleep deprived and drunk and-"

"And this was just a fucking mistake." 

Andrew flinched at the anger in Garrett's voice. He rarely heard that tone from Garrett, and it was never directed at him. "Exactly," he forced out, his voice wavering.

Garrett didn't try to stop him from leaving this time.

Andrew played that night over and over again. He searched every crevice in his mind, trying to figure out what he could have done differently. It seemed like he was just destined to fuck things up.

He texted Garrett the next day:  
**I'm sorry**

**I need some space**

Andrew didn't respond to give him said space. He spent the next few days in a daze. He was able to keep working, but everything felt fake and pointless. He didn't try to hide it from Shane, and he didn't deny it when Shane guessed it had to do with Garrett.

In fact, Andrew had recently finally opened up to Shane about how he was feeling. It was a little over a month ago, when Ryland was out of the house to spend the night at a low rated hotel with Morgan and Garrett. Shane had asked him over to do some work and keep him company. And later, when Shane asked to practice his make up skills on him, Andrew agreed. He wanted to help Shane hone in on his talents, of course, but he also needs a break from staring at a screen for hours on end.

"You forgot to take off your glasses," Shane reminded him as he prepared his station.

"Oh, right." Andrew took his computer glasses off and placed them on the counter.

"Can't put makeup on with bifocals," Shane teased.

Even though it had been a few months, Andrew knew right away what Shane was referencing. "You watched Matt's podcast?"

"Of course."

As Shane started putting a sticky substance on Andrew's face, he thought back on the podcast his friends asked him to be on. He was brought back to the moment that, even now, makes him flush at the implications that admittedly might not have even been there.

_"You look more like him with the bifocals"  
"With the bi-focals"  
"Bi focals"  
"Bisexual focals"  
"Bisexual"  
"You are bisexual"_

"Are you bisexual?"

Andrew pulled away, shocked at how brazenly Shane asked. "What?"

"I figured it's time to just ask straight out."

"I-. Shane."

Shane lowered the makeup in his hands, signalling that he was being serious. "You don't have to talk to me about this. But I hope you have someone you can talk to, because it seems like maybe you can't with Garrett."

Andrew's first instinct was to run away, but he couldn't with less than half a face of makeup. Besides, at this point, he knew this was coming. Not necessarily with Shane, but he knew he was reaching a breaking point. "Why can't I talk about it with Garrett?" he still tried to deflect, even though he knew Shane knew why.

Shane raised an eyebrow almost sympathetically. "Because you would end up telling him more than you want to."

Andrew let that sink in. Shane was right. Garrett was the person he could always count on to never judge him, regardless of the topic. He would be the perfect person to tell about having confusing feelings for another guy...if only the other guy wasn't him.

"How did you realize you were bi?" Andrew asked softly. He looked around nervously, not sure what to focus on, and saw Shane smile out of the corner of his eye.

Shane went back to working on Andrew's face slowly as he began to talk about his experiences. Though they did not coincide completely, Andrew soon realized that he should have talked to Shane long ago. Shane told him about the confusion, insecurity, and fear that he had went through, and Andrew told him about his own.

"There's an added layer to your situation," Shane told Andrew as he started on his eyebrow. "Sure, we could stand here and talk about your general sexuality and how your perspective of it has changed, but the conversation won't be complete until we talk about why this came up in the first place."

"Garrett," Andrew whispered. 

"Garrett," Shane agreed with a nod. "You could be having this talk with him if your first crush on a guy was on a barista at Starbucks or something. But it's not. It's on him."

"It's not a-. It doesn't matter either way. This could ruin our friendship. I've seen it happen, where feelings put a wedge between two people."

"Do you think that would happen with you two?"

"I don't know," Andrew admitted. He pushed away the memory of Garrett kissing him back in the laundry room; it meant nothing because he had been too drunk to think clearly. "I'm too scared to find out."

"Let me just say-. Well, first of all, I think I'm done with your look." Andrew glanced at the mirror and saw the subtle differences between the two halves of his face. He nodded in approval as Shane continued. "But anyway, the chemistry between you two is undeniable. I honestly don't think anything can make you lose him as a friend. But you need to figure yourself out first and decide what you want to do."

"What do you mean?"

"If you want to tell him or not. And if so, what do you want to happen if he responds favorably."

Andrew sighed. Just another thing to think about, when he wasn't questioning his entire existence or playing the distorted memory of kissing Garrett over and over in his head. "You're right. Listen, I-. Thank you, Shane. It's good to actually talk about it with someone."

"Of course. I told you this after you started working for me: you can always talk to me."

"Thank you," Andrew murmured, his heart swelling with gratitude. "And you won't tell anyone about this?"

"Oh, I'll tell Ryland for sure," Shane responded bluntly. "He figured it out before me, so I can't keep it from him."

Andrew knew he couldn't really argue with that logic. "Yeah, okay. But you won't tell Garrett?"

Shane's eyes widened. "Are you saying I wasn't supposed to call him halfway through this conversation?"

Andrew snorted. "Oh my god," he wheezed. Shane burst out laughing. 

Suddenly Ryland came bursting through the door; apparently the trio decided not to stay the night. Andrew had been so preoccupied, he didn't even hear them come back. Ryland was asking what was going on and Shane blurted out a quick, "Nothing." Andrew kept quiet, grateful that he could trust Shane with this secret.

But now, with Shane adamantly trying to pry the information regarding what happened this time out of him, Andrew began to regret telling Shane anything. He was a huge help, sure, but that didn't mean he was entitled to any information. Besides, Andrew didn't even know what he would say. That he forced himself on his best friend? That his best friend now hated him because of it?

But as much as he believed that, for he truly did believe that, a small voice would occasionally interject. _Garrett wouldn't have responded so well if he didn't want it too, right? Garrett wasn't the one who pushed away. Garrett got hard just from kissing you._

Fuck, Andrew would give anything for these cursed thoughts to go away. He knew they were technically true statements, but he also knew they only gave him false hope. So he shoved them away any time they reared their ugly heads.

It had been months since the laundry room incident, and Andrew successfully managed to never come close to being so stupid again. Not when they were together for Andrew's birthday. Not when he was holding Garrett after the death of his uncle. Not even on Valentine's day, when he took Garrett out to dinner of all things to help distract him. Not during any of those many nights when they stayed up and just reveled in being with one another. That was, until this one, otherwise insignificant night. 

It was almost a week of continued silence from Garrett when Andrew was reminded that Morgan's upcoming Coachella event would force them to see each other again. Andrew knew he couldn't back out - surely they would want him to film - but his stomach hurt every time he thought about it.

The day of the event, Andrew arrived at the house to find that Morgan had actually hired someone else to film. After a few moments of confusion, he realized he was free to do what he wanted. He asked Morgan if she needed help.

"No, that's okay, Andrew. Ryland can probably get everything done before everyone else gets here," Morgan was telling him. 

"Hey, I'm not doing everything!" Ryland objected.

Andrew would have laughed at that, but he was too worried about how the day would go. "And it's Ricky and Garrett that's coming?" he clarified. He felt a little bad for hoping Garrett cancelled.

Morgan nodded. "Yeah, it'll probably be a few hours before they do, though."

"Oh, okay. Well, since I'm not filming, I'm gonna nap." There was nothing like becoming unconscious to get over the fear of seeing Garret again. Andrew turned to leave, but hesitated. He knew he should probably try to look like he was doing okay when Garrett arrived, and sleeping in the middle of a pre-planned event did not scream okay. "Can you wake me when...?"

"When Garrett gets here?" Ryland guessed, a knowing glint in his eye.

"Or Ricky. Whoever gets here first." Andrew knew Garrett would be late, and it might be good to not be completely groggy when he did arrive. Satisfied that he managed to ward off any suspicion, Andrew turned and headed to the guest room without waiting for a reply.

Several hours later, Andrew was shaken awake. Feeling a little disoriented and a lot like shit, he went out to talk with everyone. He tried to act normal, but he was still dreading the moment Garrett arrived.

Finally, Morgan turned to Andrew. "Garrett said he'll be here in two minutes. Can you go get him?"

Andrew forced out a yes and walked outside as Garrett was pulling up. They stared at each other for a moment before Garrett rolled his window down. It was like he was afraid to come out.

"Hey." Andrew found himself unable to hold eye contact for long, and he glanced behind him. "Whoa, your car's clean."

Garrett giggled nervously. "Yeah, I'm trying to get my life together, if you can believe it."

"That's great, man."

"Yeah! I'm excited to keep my car perfectly clean from now on." Garrett cleared his throat and handed Andrew his camera. "Can you hold this? I need to get Benjamin and-"

"Is it recording?" Andrew glanced down at the camera to see that it was in fact on.

Before any deeper conversation could occur, Shane walked up to them. "Hey. Just wanted to check up on you two."

Andrew pretended that he didn't see the knowing look Shane was trying to give him. "All good here. Here, I need to do something inside." He handed Shane Garrett's camera and went back inside.

Garrett and Shane came in a few minutes later. Andrew wondered what they had talked about, but neither of their faces gave anything away.

As Andrew watched Garrett interacting with everyone else, it was becoming more apparent that he wouldn't be able to get through the day sober. Garrett looked good, but something was obviously off about him. Andrew just wanted to forget that it was his fault.

When everyone crowded around the counter again, he decided to bring it up. "Wait, this is like the Airbnb that you stay at when you go to Coachella. Do we need to pregame before we go to Coachella?"

Everyone quickly agreed. When Ryland brought out the vodka, Andrew tried to say that he wanted something else. (That's what he and Garrett had been drinking the other night.) But no one seemed to really pay him any mind, so he was handed a cup of vodka anyway. He accepted it, deciding it was a good thing that there were a lot of people there to act as a buffer; there was no way he'd try to even touch Garrett's arm tonight. So, sneaking a few glances Garrett's way, Andrew had the first of many drinks.

He was on his third drink when Garrett got an alert on his phone. Garrett whipped it out and Andrew automatically turned his head, trying to see who it was. 

"Who's that?" Morgan asked.

"I don't know! Ooh, exciting." Garrett shook his head and quickly moved away to deal with whatever it was. 

Andrew's drunken brain knew right away that it was something Garrett didn't want him to know. Why else would he sound so blatantly like he was trying to hide something? Seeing Shane glancing in his direction, Andrew forced his hand to move so that he could finish this cup and get another.

"A date," Morgan guessed toward the camera.

It took everything Andrew had to not crumple the cup in his hand. He knew it wasn't the most rational response for many reasons. First, the cup wasn't empty yet. Second, Morgan was probably just joking for the sake of the video. And most importantly, he simply had no business being upset by Garrett talking to other men. They weren't together, in any capacity at the moment, and these kisses Garrett didn't even ask for were for sure not going to affect Garrett's search for someone he actually wanted to be with.

Andrew tried to push his anger away as they continued on with the event. He did his best to enjoy Ricky's performance, but it was hard when Garrett kept distracting him and dropping Benjamin.

The second time it happened, Garrett went to the back of the floatie. Andrew went around to give him his baby.

"Andrew, can we talk? In private?" Garrett was leaning down, hope in his eyes.

Andrew wasn't sure why Garrett was trying to have this conversation now. "Where is private here, even?" he demanded, not wanting to answer.

Garrett pointed back toward the Titanic slide. "Maybe there?"

"Fine," Andrew agreed. They would have to talk at some point, so he might as well get it over with. He slowly moved toward the slide, giving Garrrett time to catch up.

When he did, though, Garrett grabbed his arm. "Wait, not now. The song's almost over. Later tonight?" Andrew could only nod.

So they went back to continue to try to enjoy themselves. About halfway through, Andrew was roped into going back to the house with Garrett and Morgan. Once there, he caught sight of the vodka out of the corner of his eye and decided to have some more. He knew that if he would be talking to Garrett alone later, he should be trying to sober up, not getting even more alcohol in his system. But the thought of not being able to think straight was so enticing.

By the time things were wrapping up and Ricky was leaving, Andrew began to replace cups of alcohol with cups of water. The moment they returned to the house, Garrett handed him one. "For when we talk later," he had said.

With each cup of water, Andrew felt more and more knots forming in his stomach, a mixture of the alcohol and his now increasing anxiety. He was afraid of what this conversation with Garrett would entail. Maybe tonight would be the last night he could even call Garrett a friend.

After Ricky left, Shane and Ryland offered to let all of them stay the night. Andrew and Morgan agreed, though Garrett said he couldn't because of a video he was filming. 

"You're getting an Uber, right?" Andrew asked, unable to conceal his concern. The last thing he wanted was for Garrett to get in an accident.

"Yeah. Oh. Uh, Andrew, will you come wait for it with me outside?"

Andrew glanced over at the others. "Okay."

"Well, we're heading to bed," Shane announced. "We'll leave the door unlocked for you, Andrew."

"Thanks." Of course Shane knew this would talk a while.

Andrew and Garrett went outside silently. Despite them technically being alone, they both still turned toward the Titanic. The space inside the slide wasn't as roomy as Andrew had hoped. They were closer than they probably should have been, but neither brought it up. It was also very dark, which Andrew didn't mind. Apparently Garrett did, because he turned on the flashlight on his phone.

They stared at one another silently for a few seconds. Even with his face half covered in shadows, Andrew could see the conflict written on Garrett's face. He finally spoke. "Andrew, can we just have an honest conversation?"

Andrew didn't exactly love the idea. "Yeah, of course."

"There's...something. Between us. Right? There has to be. This has happened twice. I know we weren't in our right minds, but..." Garrett trailed off. He exhaled heavily and put his face in his hands.

The sight tugged on Andrew's heartstrings. The pain in his voice was evident, and Andrew hated that Garrett couldn't even look at him. But part of him was a little glad that he wasn't seeing the pain reflected on his own face. "Garrett," he said softly. "All I want is for nothing to change how we are."

"It's too late for that," Garrett whispered.

It felt like Garrett had stabbed him in the heart. "You're right," he finally choked out. He racked his brain, trying to figure out what he could say, what he needed to say, to make this better. "Would you believe me if I said I just don't know how I'm feeling? About you? About us?"

Garrett finally looked back up. His cheeks were wet. Andrews breath caught in his throat. He reached forward, desperate to remove the offending tears, much like Garrett did for him months ago in Texas. He stopped before he could, though. 

"I'm just feeling so...much," Andrew reluctantly continued. "I've never felt this way before and it's scary and-and confusing and-. I just-. Dealing with it has been so hard. But I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to say anything if I wasn't sure, you know? Even now, I don't know if I love you the way you want." Andrew clamped his mouth shut. He hadn't quite meant to word it that way. But Garrett was looking at him expectantly, so he had to try to salvage it. "I don't even know if that _is_ something you want."

Garrett exhaled sharply, half exasperated half amused. "Of course it's something I want. I-I thought you knew. Everyone knows. God, the moment I met you, I-." Garrett looked away and cleared his throat. "It doesn't matter. Because I quickly accepted the fact that you would always just be another straight friend. Which, don't get me wrong, I would not change for the world."

There was a lot to unpack there, but Andrew couldn't find the mental ability to do so at in the moment. He settled on addressing what he could. "I don't think I _am_ straight," he whispered.

Garrett let out a hearty laugh; the sound lifted Andrew's spirits a touch. "No shit," Garrett exclaimed. "Kissing other men after a few drinks is very _not_ straight."

Andrew found himself blushing deeply. "Not other _men_." He wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say, but then realized maybe it was. If Garrett was the only man he was attracted to, of course he was confused.

Garrett searched Andrew's face for a moment. "You still need time," he finally said.

Andrew suddenly felt himself tearing up. This whole time, Andrew prevented himself from considering the possibility that Garrett liked him in the same way. Now everything was out in the open. It would be so easy to take the next step, but something was holding him back. "I'm sorry," he whimpered. "What we have right now is too important to ruin with uncertainty." 

Garrett placed a gentle hand on Andrew's shoulder. "Andrew, I get it. It's okay. You need to figure yourself out. I would never try to take that from you, or rush the process."

Andrew nodded. "All I know is that I don't want this to break us apart."

"It won't," Garrett promised. "Look, I can tell you from experience that it'll hurt more before it gets better. I just hope you know that I'm not going away. Just your platonic pal unless you decide otherwise."

Andrew shook his head. "You're giving me too much power. I don't want to upset you if I don't-."

"God, no. Please don't feel like you have to do anything because of me. Like I said, I never thought you'd ever be questioning yourself like this, so if this does turn out to be a false alarm, I'll be okay. I promise."

Andrew let everything Garrett was saying sink in, realizing that this was the best way this conversation could have gone. He should have known how understanding Garrett would have been. He should have trusted their friendship more.

"Though while you're trying to figure it out, maybe we should stop drinking together."

Andrew wheezed with laughter. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

Andrew felt Garrett's fingertips ghost over his own. "Can I-? Or is that too much?"

"You can." Garrett took Andrew's hand in both of his and began to gently play with his fingers. The movements were comforting, and the occasional subtle touches over his palm made Andrew's skin crawl in the best way. Under other circumstances, this would have felt more normal, but Andrew didn't mind the change. "I'm sorry things have been weird between us for so long," he sighed softly.

"It's not your fault. And we're getting back on the right track now."

Andrew nodded. The silence that fell over them was familiar and comfortable. Andrew closed his eyes, enjoying the moment.

When Garrett finally let go, Andrew exhaled in disappointment as his hand quickly chilled. "I should go," Garrett said. "I'm trying to fix my sleep schedule, you know. So maybe we can start hanging out at a normal hour."

Andrew grimaced. "Garrett, I'm sorry I was so mean the other night. I never regret being with you, no matter the time."

Garrett smiled gratefully. "I'm glad. But you did bring up a good point. I want to do better. So I should go and get some sleep. Maybe we can do something tomorrow?"

"Definitely. What do you have in mind?"

"Will you help me fix my garden?"

Andrew wasn't entirely sure what Garrett meant, but he agreed right away. He then managed to convince Garrett to slide down, as opposed to just climbing back down. They landed on the grass together and giggled up a storm. 

As promised, Andrew waited with Garrett until the Uber came, and then he went back into the house to crash in the guest bedroom.

The next morning, memories of the night before crashed over Andrew. He was pleased with how surprisingly well it turned out. He hadn't done anything stupid despite still having a fair amount of alcohol in his system, and Garrett was still his friend. Now, for the first time in months, Andrew was able to feel all of these emotions he had without an underlying sense of guilt.

Andrew gladly went out with Garrett to buy garden materials and laughed freely at Garrett's lack of planning. The whole experience felt normal; even the fleeting glances that he caught and the ones that he gave didn't cause him much thought.

Eventually, though, he had to go back to work. When Garrett pulled up the Shane's house, Andrew was ready to get out. His body didn't move though. 

"You okay?" Garrett asked.

Andrew turned toward Garrett. "You're leaving tomorrow." Garrett just nodded, because they did indeed talk about this earlier. "I won't see you for two weeks. We just started talking again and-."

Garrett's eyes softened in understanding. "We'll still talk. I'll text you when I can."

"You'll keep me updated after every flight?" Andrew asked, beginning to feel a sense of panic rising at the idea of Garrett crashing into the ocean.

"Of course." Garrett reached over and pulled Andrew into a hug. Andrew melted into it, as much as he could over the arm rest, clinging to Garrett. After a few moments, Garrett sighed into his ear. "Shane's probably wondering where you are."

Andrew slowly pulled away. Garrett was right. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being ridiculous and worrying for no reason, but I do hope you have a great time." He knew the year started out rough for Garrett, and this trip is exactly what he needed.

"Thank you, Andrew. I'll tell you all about it when I come home."

"I can't wait."

With another, shorter hug, Andrew finally left and went back to work. Fortunately, filming with Shane and Jeffree was able to distract him enough from the thought of being away from Garrett for so long again. But by the time he returned home that night, worry about Garrett's flight the following morning came back even stronger. It was crazy to him how concerned he was feeling when Garrett wasn't even out of the country yet, but he knew it would still cause the first of many restless nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking ahead, do you guys want smut in this story (when they get that far in their relationship, of course)? Or should I keep it mostly innocent and fluffy?
> 
> Matt's podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLmuvCluVeM  
> One-Star Hotel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2ZcJVOuzT4  
> Morganchella: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAd6ZzMP_mE  
> Waking up at 5AM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqkFecoMp5c


	10. In-Depth Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm unsure of Garrett's traveling schedule, so here's to hoping he was actually in LA at the time.
> 
> Also! As of right now, this is the last chapter I will be posting on this story until we get more Gandrew content. (The making a song video was quality content, but not enough to dedicate a whole chapter to imo.) But don't fret; as long as Gandrew is alive, this story is alive.  
> I will be having a smut chapter (or chapters?) that are related to this story that I've already started working on. However, I've decided I'll post it separately so that those who aren't into explicit smut can avoid it more easily. I'll post the link here as well when it's done.
> 
> Edit: Smut chapters: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23120254/chapters/55321018

Andrew found himself in front of Garrett's door. He had to admit he hadn't been there as much as he would have liked in the last few months. But with Shane entering the beauty world, he had to dedicate a large chunk of his time working with Shane and Jeffree. Garrett also seemed to be taking the rest of the year to travel more often. But whenever their schedules lined up, Andrew would take the time to be with Garrett, even if it was just for a few hours.

He and Garrett had been carrying on like normal. Of course, the conversation they had in the slide was always in the back of their minds, but it didn't seem to affect anything negatively. Any now romantically charged moments diffused naturally, and neither made a big deal out of it. Garrett was sure to never push anything, and Andrew began to feel like he would mind less and less if he ever did. 

As he waited for Garrett to open his door, Andrew recalled what drove him to run to Garrett's doorstep. He would have come over earlier anyway just to see Garrett, but Ryland had asked him to stay a bit longer for another cooking video. Andrew hadn't expected anything eventful to happen when he agreed to stay, but then Shane read him his horoscope. 

"It's saying right now you need to resort to some in depth conversation to capture the one who you secretly adore." 

Andrew felt his stomach flip. Sure, things were going great with Garrett on the surface, but he couldn't deny the turmoil that still raged inside of himself. Guilt and shame was constantly overwhelming him, though he refused to show it. Maybe it _was_ finally time to have another conversation with Garrett.

"Who _are_ you adoring lately?" Ryland asked. Andrew wondered if Ryland was just teasing him or if he thought he was actually over Garrett. Since he and Garrett had stopped tiptoeing around each other, they had fallen back into an obviously comfortable place in their relationship. Even Shane didn't ask about it much anymore. 

"Interesting. I don't know," Andrew forced the lie out. He knew he had to stay for remainder of the video, but as soon as he could, he sent Garrett a message:  
**Can I come over later?**

So now, hours later, Garrett's front door opened to reveal a sleepy Garrett. "Hey," he greeted Andrew, running a hand through his already tousled hair.

"Hi." Andrew suddenly felt bad for coming at such a late hour; Garrett had obviously been keeping himself awake for him. But he was already here and he wasn't sure when he would be this brave again.

Andrew followed Garrett to his couch and plopped down next to him. Garrett gave him a tired smile and Andrew gave a tentative one back. "Garr, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep you up."

"It's okay. Though it is pretty late. Why did you want to come over?"

Andrew played with the hem of his shirt. "I needed to talk to you."

Garrett seemed to waken at that. "That sounds kind of serious. Is it?"

"No. Well, I-. It's about us, so I guess it kind of is."

"Oh." Garrett nodded, attempting to appear nonchalant. Andrew could tell that he was now on high alert, though. "I'm all ears."

Despite the minutes of preparation on the way here, Andrew found himself unable to speak. He didn't know where to start or how much he wanted to say. So he just sat there, dumbfounded, probably looking like an idiot with his mouth open.

Andrew felt Garrett's fingers run along the side of his hand, making a feeble attempt to slide underneath it, before stopping. Garrett no longer verbally asked for consent, but he still hesitated in his actions, giving Andrew the opportunity to pull away from anything that could be construed as even slightly romantic. Andrew lifted his hand, letting Garrett slip his hand under fully.

Andrew took a deep breath, blinking gratefully at Garrett. "I-" Still, the words didn't come. Andrew groaned and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, yelling at himself in his head to get it together.

"Take your time," Garrett said softly.

Andrew squeezed Garrett's hand to show he heard him. Keeping his eyes shut, for that seemed to help booster his confidence a touch, he blurted out, "I love you."

There was a second of silence before Garrett responded. "I love you, too." There was a sense of hesitancy, a hint of a question, in his tone. It wasn't a new thing, saying that they loved each other, because they've been friends for so long. Of course they loved each other. But Andrew could tell that Garrett was wondering if there was more weight to it this time.

"No, I-." Andrew opened his eyes, hoping they could convey what he was struggling to. "I-I love you. Like, a lot." Andrew knew he must be red all over.

Garrett leaned forward, his eyes bright with amusement. "I love you, like, a lot, too."

Andrew lifted his hand off Garrett's and gently laid it on Garrett's cheek. He had never touched another man's face like this before. The beard against his hand was scratchy, but it was a feeling Andrew figured he could get used to. 

Any emotion Garrett was trying to hide now broke free. His eyelids lowered contentedly as his mouth split into a wide grin. It warmed Andrew's heart, seeing how completely happy Garrett was melting into his hand. 

Without another thought, Andrew pressed his lips to Garrett's. Garrett kissed back lightly, keeping the kiss chaste. They stayed like that for a moment, just taking in this innocent form of intimacy, before slowly pulling away.

"Andrew..." Garrett breathed out, his breath flittering across Andrew's face.

"I'm not drunk. Or high, or anything," Andrew promised.

"Sleep deprived?"

"Not that much," Andrew giggled. He took a hold of Garrett's hand again and gave Garrett another quick kiss, already missing the sensation of their lips touching. 

Garrett hummed in approval as Andrew pulled away. He seemed to be absolutely glowing with happiness. Andrew felt his heart sink as he suddenly remembered that it couldn't be this easy. There was a so much more they needed to talk about before the night was through. It killed him to take this feeling away from Garrett, but he had to. 

It must have shown on his face, because Garrett's smile quickly dropped. "What's wrong?"

"I'm-I'm sorry. I guess I got a little ahead of myself. This part was supposed to come after everything else, if it went well."

The light in Garrett's eyes dimmed slightly. "Oh, okay. No problem."

"Fuck." Andrew started aggressively pulling on the rubber band around his wrist. "This whole time I feel like I've just been playing with your emotions and I never meant to. I'm so sorry. Fuck."

Garrett reached out and took Andrew's hands in his own, stopping the assault on Andrew's wrist. "Andrew, it's okay. I promise. Just talk to me. Please."

Andrew drew in a shaky breath. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Garrett pleaded forcefully.

Andrew nodded. "Okay. Sor-" Andrew pressed his lips together to stop himself.

Garrett shifted his body so that his legs were on the couch and he was facing Andrew fully. Andrew mirrored him, keeping his eyes down. "Just talk to me," he heard Garrett repeat. He saw Garrett take a hold of his hands again.

"I-I wanted to come over here and talk to you because-. Well, I was with Shane and Ryland and Shane was reading our horoscopes. Mine said to talk to the person I adore. Or-. What was it?"

"You adore me?" Garrett asked playfully, stroking the back of Andrew's hands with his thumbs.

A small laugh escaped Andrew. "You know I do," he murmured. "But, um, in-depth conversation. That's what it said. Have an in-depth conversation with the one you adore. So I figured that must be a sign to stop beating around the bush and just talk to you. Tell you everything I've been dealing with in my head and try to figure it out together. If you're okay with that."

"Of course I am. I've been waiting to have a conversation like this ever since I got back from Japan."

"You should have told me." Before Garrett could respond, Andrew quickly continued. "No, this isn't on you. None of this should be on you. Which is why I never wanted to bring this up in the first place. But I-I'm realizing I do need to talk it out with you, because it does involve you and I don't want to keep it hidden anymore. I want to feel okay with myself again and I need you with me to do that."

"I'm here," Garrett murmured. He was still brushing his thumbs over Andrew's hands, doing his best to calm him. "I'm not leaving until you have said everything you need to say, so don't be afraid to let it all out."

God, Andrew felt so lucky to have Garrett in his life. He took a deep breath and started. "The reason it took so long - well, one of the reasons - for me to acknowledge any of this is because how I feel about you is so...intense. I never felt this deeply for someone before. It scared me. It still does," Andrew admitted. "But I don't want to run from it anymore. I want to...run toward it, to revel in the feeling."

Garrett nodded encouragingly. His lips were pressed together, as if he wanted to say something but was determined to give Andrew this time.

"But I'm having a hard time accepting it. Truly accepting it. And, to be honest, Garrett, it is because you're a man." Andrew laughed bitterly. "Considering who all of my friends are, you'd think accepting myself would be a walk in the park. But it's not, because I'm scared of how other people will react. Like, I know my family wouldn't disown me or anything, but you know how some of my extended family are. And yeah, my mom loves you. But if she knew I _loved_ you? I hate that I feel like I can't tell her, or anyone for that matter, because I'm too afraid to be something you and Shane and other people are everyday." Andrew felt his throat closing up and he stopped, trying to compose himself. 

Realizing Andrew needed a moment, Garrett took this time to speak. "I get it, Andrew. You don't need to feel bad about feeling this way. That's how it was for me when I first began to realize I wasn't straight. I didn't just wake up one day and accept myself. The only reason I love this fact about me now is because I took the time to work on myself and surrounded myself with people who show me everyday that I'm no less of a person because of it. People like you."

Andrew felt tears spilling over his cheeks. He pulled one of his hands free to wipe at them. "It's not fair for me to be with you if I still have so much work to do," he whimpered.

"I would argue against that. You're probably thinking I'd be better off without you because I've already done my time. But just because I'm okay with my sexuality, that doesn't mean I'm okay with all of me. Everyone always has something to work on, Andrew. So if you think you can't be with someone until you have no problems to sort out, you're setting yourself up to be alone forever."

Andrew nodded slowly, sniffling. He hadn't thought about it in that way. He didn't have to feel guilty about wanting a relationship when he was so messed up. "But being with you would automatically out me. And even though it's selfish, I'm not ready for that," he reluctantly admitted.

Garrett sighed and let go of Andrew's other hand. "Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. This does suck to hear. But it's not selfish, Andrew. You shouldn't rush the coming out process. Not for me. Not for anyone. You need to base it on what is best for you."

"But you-"

"If I felt so hurt and entitled that I forced you to come out just so we could be together, _that_ would be selfish. I'm not trying to make it seem like my feelings don't matter, but in this certain situation, you being able to live with yourself takes priority. Because I would rather keep how close we are right now and remain friends than try to force something more and lose you forever."

Andrew closed his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. He still felt shitty about the whole situation, but his guilt was beginning to lessen. He should have known he could count on Garrett's wise words to make him feel better.

"What if-?" Garrett began. Andrew's eyes shot open at the nervousness in his voice. "Listen, I'm not trying to force anything, like I said. But what if we just don't tell anyone? If we do ever...become more."

Andrew's brow furrowed in surprise. "You would be okay with that?"

"I mean, yeah. It probably wouldn't be forever, so I can handle it if it means you feel comfortable enough to be with me."

Andrew considered. "I thought about that," he finally admitted. "But I didn't give it much thought because it just seemed like something else that wouldn't be fair to you. I didn't want to suggest it and have you think I was, like, ashamed of you or something."

"Oh, no. I already figured-. Uh, I mean." Garrett stopped, suddenly embarrassed. "Well, I'm sure you know. I've thought about it. Of course I have. Anyway. I figured you would want our re-. Our theoretical relationship to be private from the fans. I mean, you did that with Gabbie and every girl you dated who had any form of social media presence."

Andrew could help but laugh guiltily. It was true. It never really felt wrong before, but now, thinking about it with Garrett, he could see how that could cause tension. Maybe that's why his other relationships never worked out. Damn, maybe that was something else he needed to work on, after accepting his sexuality of course.

"So with that in mind," Garrett continued, pulling Andrew away from his internal dialogue, "It wouldn't be that much of a stretch to keep it private in our own social lives for a bit. Again, only if that's something you want."

"I...yeah. That sounds good. That is, if we were to get together. I mean-" Andrew groaned, even more guilt crashing over him. Here he was again, entertaining the idea to then turn around and reject it. "You must feel like I'm just stringing you along, don't you? I know I need to give you an answer, but it's so hard to know what the right answer is. I do love you. But is that enough? Is it better to just let you go so you can find someone else who's not afraid to be with you? But I don't want to but-"

"Andrew, stop. Look at me."

Andrew stopped, realizing he was now panting for air. He glanced up, locking eyes with the man in front of him, and saw hints of pain and frustration. But he also saw understanding, love, and hope shining through.

"Ignore everything else, everyone else, for a minute. They're all just silly background noise. Noise that is now turned off. The only thing that exists right now is you and me. You only hear the sound of our voices, our breath. Do you want to be with me?"

Even though he knew the answer right away, Andrew did take a moment to try to envision this world, where nothing else mattered but them. "Yes," he whispered.

"The noise is slowly coming back on now. Some sounds, we can turn off. Others we can only make quieter. But a few are so persistent, we can't do anything but change our attitudes or just buy earplugs. So now, with the hum of the world around us, do you still want to be with me?"

"Yes," Andrew answered right away. His voice was shaking, but he felt certain. 

Garrett smiled. "Then why not try it?"

All of these reasons that he had already gone over came flooding back into Andrew's brain. But as he continued to stare into Garrett's eyes, they began to flicker out of existence until only one was left unaddressed.

"What happens if it doesn't work out?" Andrew whispered, afraid of the answer. "Will we still be friends?"

"I can't answer that." Garrett gently took a hold of Andrew's face in his hands. "But I can only believe that we are good together, in any capacity, and nothing can change that. So I'm willing to risk it if you are."

Andrew swallowed hard. This was the defining moment. He was in love with Garrett, there was no denying it now. He could pull away, as he had been doing, and forget about any chance of being with Garrett - because after this, how could Garrett still allow himself to waste any more time on him - or he could finally follow his heart.

"I am."

This time when their lips touched, the spark Andrew felt was no longer diluted. There was nothing to prevent this intense feeling, no inner voices telling him he was doing something wrong. He felt how perfectly their lips meshed together, how well he fit in Garrett's hands, how calm he felt as if this was where he should have been all along. It felt right.

Andrew felt Garrett's tongue prod at his lips and he opened them, deepening the kiss. There was no real sexual motive behind this action, just the desire to be closer and more intimate with one another. They continued on like this for a moment, taking the time to appreciate the genuine feelings and acceptance fueling this kiss.

Andrew wanted nothing more than to keep tasting Garrett's smile against his own, but he eventually had to pull away. He inhaled deeply, which turned into a yawn. As he tried to stop his eyes from watering, it dawned on him that light was starting to stream through Garrett's windows. "How long have we been talking? The sun's out already."

Andrew looked back up at Garrett and saw that he was just watching him with gentle eyes and a content smile. "I love you so much."

Andrew giggled, feeling his cheeks warm. "I love you so much, too."

"But to answer your question, I guess all night, even if it didn't feel like we were talking that long."

Andrew nodded in agreement. "I'm glad we did, though."

"Me too." Garrett reached out and stroked Andrew's cheek. "You haven't slept at all. You shouldn't drive back home right now."

Andrew felt his lips twitch into an amused smirk. "Are you asking me to stay?"

"If you want to." Garrett flashed Andrew a coy smile. 

"Hmm." Andrew stood up and stretched. Garrett watched him pace, unsure of his next move. There was no way Andrew was leaving now, but he did enjoy watching Garrett squirm. After a few more seconds for good measure, Andrew finally held his hand out. Garrett's face broke out into a relieved and excited grin. 

As Andrew led Garrett to his own bed, anticipation filled his body. He couldn't wait to fall asleep in Garrett's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andrew's Horoscope: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMJXsQL1xdQ


End file.
